Is He a Heartbreaker?
by A Raven of Emotions
Summary: AU Kames, Submissive!Kendall and Dominant!James. Small summary: Kendall can't help but feel that James is hiding a deep, dark secret; a secret that can ultimately cost them both their lives.
1. Chapter 1

Okay, this is just a random story idea. I don't know if it was because my friends and I watched Batman animated movies last night and I thought of Big Time Rush (specifically Kames) for some reason, but please be nice to review and tell me what you think? Now, here is a little bit of background information: this is another AU story; Griffin is James' adoptive father, it is explained a little in this first piece, James is a mercenary, and he has been dating Kendall for five years. The catch? Kendall has no idea that his boyfriend's second job is to kill for money, under the commands of his 'father'. And despite the brunette's declarations of love, Kendall can't help but feel that there is something shady about James' family...I hope everyone gives this a chance, and tell me what you think.** Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush! This is just another AU story idea from me, but I don't anything but the ideas and overall plot! Again, please enjoy this and tell me if this has the potential to become a short but full-fledged story!**

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Kendall's face was bright red as James walked him to the door, the dirty blonde's heart racing when the taller male knocked lightly. He turned to the younger boy and smiled that alluring smile, the one he only shared with Kendall.

Said boy's bright green eyes flashed, his insides melting. He sometimes couldn't get over the fact this amazing, gorgeous, extremely talented and very sweet man was his. Of all the people James could have, he chose him...

"Did you have fun today, Kenny Rabbit?" He asked, the nickname making the shorter boy look away in embarrassment. James chuckled fondly, reaching out to stroke that perfect face.

"Y-yes." Was all Kendall could choke out, especially since James pressed their bodies closely in an intimate embrace.

He gasped, body heat rising as he gripped tight James' strong shoulders; Kendall's blush was back with a vengeance as he felt a pair of soft, warm lips graze his neck, his pulse jumping rapidly around like a jackrabbit. Those lips brushed up towards his left ear, nipping at the lobe softly, before they brushed over Kendall's bushy eyebrows and nose. James didn't kiss his lips though; he simply loved teasing his younger lover.

"That's good, or else I would have to put a bullet through my head; I would hate to show you such an unpleasant time." Another thing Kendall liked about James: his way of speaking. He rarely used contractions, from what he's told Kendall he was raised to speak clearly, and whenever he spoke, he said such sweet and loving things. It was like Shakespeare, just without all the actors and drama.

And Kendall noticed, with a giddy feeling, that he was the only person James talked to like that.

"I never have a bad time with you, J-James." Kendall said, snuggling up more to him. He loved hearing the other's heart, it was like a drum. Fiery, powerful and soothing; he never got tired of hearing that heart beat, hearing it lure him to sleep whenever he was in James' long, smooth-skinned arms.

James chuckled again; it had a soft, rich texture like melted dark chocolate. "I feel the same way, Emerald." Another nickname he had for the blonde, because of his eyes; the brunette always had a hard time deciding which shade of green Kendall's eyes were, so he settled for emerald. He said his boyfriend's eyes reminded me of freshly cut emeralds, and he loved emeralds; James use to not like the color green much, he always leaned more towards purple, but Kendall's piercing eyes changed his perspective around completely. Now he loved green almost as much as purple.

Kendall let out a manly giggle before he moaned softly, those previously mentioned lips capturing his lightly, gently. He felt weak in the knees, breathing proving very hard to do at the moment; James felt the other going slack and smirked, pressing the smaller, slender body against the door with his bigger, well-muscled one. The dirty blonde moaned again, this one more passionate and longing as his thin, pale hands raked up James' firm six-pack and chest to grip his black tank top.

James trailed his lips from Kendall's light pink mouth to his swan neck, making sure to leave small love bites on each inch of peach-colored skin exposed to him. Kendall gasped and clawed his dull fingernails down that broad, toned back, suddenly feeling that he was boiling hot. "J-James...Ah!"

"I love you, Kendall." The seductive brunette whispered, hazel-green eyes taking in that blunt nose, bushy eyebrows, soft lips and beautiful eyes; Kendall shivered under James' intense stare, only his eyes could show so much emotion and manage to remain so...silent, quiet.

The phrase 'actions speak louder than words' was no lie.

Kendall smiled through teary eyes, reaching out to cup the taller boy's face lovingly. "I-I love you too..." James beamed at those words, lacing his fingers with the blonde's and kissing the silver promise ring on his left hand.

The cool metal burned pleasurably under the brunette's lips as he made love to Kendall's hand, kissing each pad, knuckle to finally shower the palm with kisses and tiny nips. "You have no idea how much I love hearing those words." He replied, pulling the blonde off the door just in time; Kendall's baby sister Katie now stood there, in pajamas with a devious grin on. She was no doubt enjoying the heavy pink dusting her big brother's face.

"Aw, the lovebirds are back!"

"Katie!" James chuckled as he pressed a quick kiss to Kendall's left ear before letting him go, throwing a wink Katie's way.

"I have brought him home safe and sound, Katie. Mama Knight could sleep easy now." He said, clearly making a joke; Jennifer didn't worry about her son whenever he was with James. She loved the brunette as if he was another son and she and his mother Brooke were like sisters, even before Kendall and him became a couple she trusted the older boy to look out for her baby boy.

"Whatever, thanks James." Katie said, rolling her eyes; her smile though betrayed her annoyance.

"So will I see you tomorrow, Jamie? Walk to school together?" Kendall asked. He was a junior while James a senior at Sherwood High School; even though they were in different grades, ergo different classes, they always found time to be together before school, during lunch, and after school for hockey practice. Both were on the same time, though James was captain and Kendall co-captain.

All hope Kendall had for some alone time tomorrow morning vanished when his boyfriend frowned, biting his lower lip. "I am sorry, Kenny Rabbit. My...father is working late tomorrow and he insists I go along with him, you know to learn his side of the family business." James' father, well really step-father, Arthur Griffin was the head honcho of a booming music company here in the quiet little town of Sherwood, Minnesota. His mother Brooke Diamond (she didn't take Arthur's surname when they married) was the head of a huge cosmetics company, fierce yet compassionate with her employees, and one that has given her high status in the Mid-West. James didn't show much interest in neither of his parents' line of works; he loved music and singing, but his step-father had him doing...other jobs, so to say.

Jobs he couldn't tell his feisty, stubborn and beautiful dirty blonde lover about; if he knew, so much would be put in jeopardy, and he wasn't just talking about his engagement to said blonde.

Kendall felt his heart crack down the middle. Sure this wasn't the first time James had to blow him off because of Arthur (to be honest, Kendall hated the guy; James' parents divorced when James was ten due to infidelity on Michael's behalf, and sure he went off and married a women fifteen years younger than him, but he was much more likable than James' step-father) and his demands. And for some reason, whenever something like this happened, Kendall had a feeling the brunette was lying to him...

"Oh, I see." James felt terrible at the crest-fallen tone his boyfriend's voice was taking on, he ignoring Katie now waiting impatiently at the door as he cupped Kendall's face between his large, warm hands and pressed their lips together in a quick but passionate kiss.

The kiss lasted until they were both out of breath, Katie making fake gagging noises in the background, James pressing their foreheads together. "I am sorry, I will make it up to you, Ken. I promise, and I will try to see if my father will stop...asking me to do errands for him; I will tell him off, he's taking too much of my time, time I would rather spend with you." He said. Kendall took a deep breath and nodded shakily, James pressing a kiss to his forehead before pulling away.

"Goodnight, Kenny; goodnight Katie, I'll see you two later." With that James headed back to his car, the eighteen year old waving to them both from the window before disappearing into the night. Kendall sighed, Katie now concerned at the torn expression on his face.

"Big Brother, what's wrong? You don't look too good."

"Katie, have you ever felt that...someone you care about is lying to you? I mean, that they're not sharing everything with you?" He asked.

Katie crinkled her nose. "Um no, why? Don't tell me you're feeling that way towards James. You've known each other since the playpen, and you two have been dating for five years, technically now engaged for three months. You think something's shady with him?"

"I guess? I don't know, but sometimes it feels as if he's two different people: the James he is with me, you and Carlos and Logan, and then the James he turns into when talking about his step-dad." Kendall pointed out, that making Katie think his words over.

"Well he's not really close to Griffin now, is he? The guy's a creep to me, I don't see why James' mom married him in the first place. Maybe you're just being overprotective of him." She said, reaching out and wrapping an arm around Kendall's waist, smiling up at him.

Kendall smiled back, squeezing her close. "Yeah, maybe you're right...I can get a little overprotective of him sometimes."

_**-Page Break-**_

"What the hell does he need me for now?" James hissed, feeling bad almost immediately when Kelly flinched. He sighed, looking at her apologetically.

"Sorry Kelly, I'm just not in the mood." She smiled in understanding, saying without words that she's forgiven him, and swallowed hard when she pulled out a sheet of paper folded in half.

"Griffin has another job for you tonight."

'Yeah, as if he hasn't called me in for one in a while; this is the third time this week, who's pissed him off now?' James thought sarcastically, taking the note from her while reloading one of his handguns; the sound made him wince, though his hazel-green eyes shined darkly.

"Who I am killing tonight?" He said, emotionless, as he pulled his mask over his face. It was of a skull, no jaw with one eye blacked out, it like the rest of the suit a crimson red.

Kelly wanted to break down crying; he was only eighteen years old, still a child, and he already had blood on his hands. Blood from numerous victims Griffin picked out as possible competition to him.

Already at eighteen, he was a merciless mercenary.

She barely had enough time to say the person's name before he disappeared, the private jet outside waiting to take him to his target's home in California: "Gustavo Rocque."


	2. Chapter 2

Wow, insomnia for once helps me! New chapter for the new story I came up with, 'Is He a Heartbreaker?'. I want to dedicate this to my first two reviewers, you are beautiful people and thanks for the encouragement! Mercenary!James is something new, I think, and I was curious to see if anyone was interested! Now, Kames all the way, thank you so much for the ideas you gave me for future chapters (and the ones you keep giving, my dear genius friend!) and overall plot! I appreciate it so much! Enjoy this new chapter, my two lovely reviewers! And um, please let me know if this chapter was a little...graphic!** Disclaimer: I don't BTR! I wish I did, since if I did their show would still be on air, but sadly I don't! I just own the plot of the story!**

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Gustavo Rocque.

That name sounded familiar to James the moment it slipped past Kelly's lips. This fat turd use to work for his step-dad; Griffin use to bully and manipulate him all the time, until the man grew a pair and went for his own music business. He moved to Cali for a fresh start, which ended up paying off; he's made some really good stars in the last few months, like Dak Zevon, a girl group with the name Kat Crew or something like that, and a dude called Guitar Dude.

'No wonder Griffin wants him dead; to him, the turd's a bloody bastard and a traitor.' James thought somewhat bitterly, slipping into Gustavo's mansion with ease.

Seriously the guy needed better security; James was able to kill the alligator without much of a bloody mess, tie his hairless cat upside down in a tree, drug Gustavo's huge bodyguard Freight Train with some heavy sedatives and, overall, hack all the security cameras and transfer all their footage to the data bank programmed into his suit.

He made sure to tackle all the possible risks involved in this mission. He could leave Gustavo as chopped up as possible, but he had to keep it clean at the same time.

'Let's just get this over with.' He hissed in his head, stalking up the stairs with light steps; he passed two other rooms before he reached Gustavo's bedroom, the door locked. Seems like the often greedy man couldn't sleep with an open door.

"Still, too easy." James couldn't recognize his own voice through the modifier hidden in his mask, his one visible eye shining in the gloom as he pulled out a simple pin.

With careful, slow movements he twisted the pin back and forward until a soft clicking sound went off, the creaking hinges of the door muffled by his fingers as he tip-toed in and closed the door again, locking it. Hmm, locked doors often gave off the idea of suicide...

'Nah, not my style. I just want to get this done and get out, plus Griffin is not the type to let his competition off easy, when even they are already dead.' James slowly walked over to the bed, eyes falling on the short, chubby man.

He was wearing bright yellow pajamas, usual shades off and his beard bristling with every large breath he took. He snored like a bear and was curled up like one, oblivious to what was about to take place.

'Time to wake up, dead meat.' James withdrew one gun from its holster strapped to his outer thigh and pointed it at the headboard.

_BANG!_

"AH!" Gustavo's small piggy eyes flew open, gasping for breath as if he was drowning. His sight fell upon the young masked man towering over him, two guns now pointed towards him.

"What the-"

"Too late."

_Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!_

_**-Page Break-**_

James nailed Gustavo in both eyes with the first two bullets; the third went into his mouth, leaving a hole behind his tongue while the last one went into his heart.

'Now, for the fun part.' James couldn't help his often shrouded sadistic nature as he pulled the blankets off the body, it losing warmth fast.

He tore the sheets up; he knotted them around Gustavo's large wrists and ankles, followed by another digging into the skin of his neck. Next he unbuttoned Gustavo's shirt, flinching; the man really needed to lay off the junk food!

"Let us give you a new look, okay?" James reached behind his back and unsheathed the twin blades from their scabbards, smiling under his mask; they were long and sharper than daggers, catching the light of the full moon outside.

This was a new addition to his weaponry. Griffin had only trusted him with handguns, grenades, a shotgun and a missile launcher, though the last one was usually reserved for more than one kill on a job. Now his step-dad trusted him with more...entertaining weapons.

James raised his left hand first, striking Gustavo hard in the chest; blood seeped from the gash, the sword trailing farther down and deeper. With that very sword, James tore Gustavo's rib cage wide open, his heart now still and the rest of his organs useless. Crimson colored the pale sheets under him but James merely grinned, pulling off his mask to smear his face with the blood.

For some reason, the sight of blood made him experience pleasurable adrenaline rushes.

James pulled and ripped Gustavo's intestines, stomach, gall bladder, etc. out and cut them all into pieces, right hand ( he put his other sword down to do better this task) wrenching Gustavo's jaw farther open and pouring all the small chucks of flesh and meat between his teeth and limp tongue.

'Hmm, what do to with your heart? I could use a souvenir.' James thought wistfully, before he started cutting apart the veins and arteries; blood gushed from the small tubes like waterfalls, the color darkening as it was exposed to the outside elements. With heart in hand, James unzipped the duffle bag he took with him on the jet and tossed the organ inside, not bothering to zip it up again.

He had so much left still to do.

After Gustavo's heart, most of his body was torn to shreds; lumps of flesh clung to visible bones, his face was now like a carpet with three gaping holes. James had ripped his eyes from their sockets and put them away into his bag, his mouth now just a cave with no teeth, gums a fiery red. He wasn't stripped naked, no way James was going that far, but the brunette soon decided leaving him all comfortable in bed wasn't his way of executing a good kill; with the restraints he made earlier from the sheets, James cut them apart and tied them all together, so that Gustavo's body was practically hogged-tied. With another sheet he made a rope of sorts, fastening it to the base of the trap. With a few grunts, James dragged Gustavo's body off the bed, across the room and opened the window, letting in the cool night air.

"You always liked to be in the spotlight, so this should make you jump with joy inside." James did meet Gustavo before he quit working for Griffin. He didn't like the guy but didn't hate him either, so there was a spot of guilt to the brunette for the horrendous way he ended the chubby man's life.

"Wait, hold it." He was quick to snatch Gustavo's shades from the bedside table, putting them on his face for him before giving off a cold smirk.

"See you, you ugly turd."

**_-Page Break-_**

James washed his face in Gustavo's bathroom sink, the blood turning pink with the hot water running. His mask was off, its only visible eye staring up at him blankly, while his wild spiky chocolate-brown hair was stuck to his skin with sweat. He sighed, his eyes almost black.

They always went that way after a job; it reflected the inner turmoil inside him.

He wish he didn't have to do this, but he had no way out; if he tried to back down, Griffin would throw him to the sharks and...his mom.

She would be defenseless.

'No, he would go over Mom, I can't let that happen. With me in jail, she would be alone. After all, Griffin has made sure my dad has no way to contact us.' James felt a painful pang go off in his chest.

His father Michael would not stand for this; despite the cheating, he cared about Brooke and James, they were his family still and if he knew the monster Griffin really was, he'd have the bastard behind bars in seconds. James' dad was a cop, just like Carlos'. The only difference was that James' dad was in the NYPD, miles and miles from Sherwood.

Griffin has completely cut off James from his father; they haven't talked or seen each other since Brooke married the creep.

James has always missed his father, but right now, he wished that somehow they would meet, find a way to talk so that he could at least feel a bit of relief to know that his mom would have someone to protect her. As bad as things ended between his parents, James had no doubt in his mind that they still cared a lot about each other.

The brunette was brought out of his trance when his utility belt vibrated, one slot to be exact. He fished out his cell-phone and checked his messages, a lump growing in his throat when he saw who it was from.

**Really missing you, wishing I was in your arms right now. :(**

**-Kenny Bunny.**

James sighed, removing his elbow-length gloves to properly reply back.

**Me too, baby. It's bad enough I had to leave you tonight, but I have to wait until AFTER tomorrow to see you? I'm committing suicide this way.**

**-Prince Jamie.**

'And my fiancee? He has no idea that...the 'errands' I do are more than just filing papers.' James felt terrible, terribly guilty.

He's never had to lie to Kendall before; even when they were just close, best friends they told each other everything. Like they shared clothes and food and a bed when they did sleepovers, they shared good secrets and not-so-good secrets. James actually believed the dirty blonde knew him better than the brunette knew himself, and that was saying something. He's always been honest to his best friend, his boyfriend now fiancee.

And Griffin ruined that the moment he married his mom and decided to turn his step-son into a mercenary.

Another vibration, another text from Kendall.

**I wish you were sleeping here with me; I need you, more than you can imagine.**

**-Kenny Bunny.**

'I am sorry, Emerald.' James thought, sighing as he ripped a paper towel to wipe his hands and face, putting his mask back on as he left the bathroom and headed for the window.

**I know, I need you too. I love you, you know that right?**

**-Prince Jamie.**

James was clinging to the window from the outside as he undid the stop on a grenade, making sure to drop it into Gustavo's empty rib cage.

**Of course I do, the ring on my finger says it all.**

**-Kenny Bunny.**

James did a free fall, stretching his cape taut to avoid getting scrap heap on him as a rather large explosion took Gustavo's mansion by storm; red and orange flames crackled, smoke filled the air and blood splattered everywhere. Screams followed soon afterwards, no doubt the police would be called in to investigate. Jame ignored the blood that now painted the back of his head, his cape and boots as he landed gracefully on his feet, heading for the motorcycle hidden in a nearby alley. He finished his text before putting on his helmet, igniting the engine which threw out a feral growl.

**You have no idea what that means to me right now. I'll talk to you later, sweet dreams my Emerald-eyed Kenny Rabbit. Hope you get the kiss I'm sending you.**

**-Prince Jamie.**

'Oh Kendall, I am so sorry.' Was the brunette's last thought as he rode away, leaving a trail of crimson with the skid marks on the concrete.


	3. Chapter 3

Okay, I'm sick. I was up all night last night with a massive headache, plus a sore throat. I'm laying in bed, with only writing as a distraction. Ugh, sometimes Jack Frost's cold days are more of a curse than blessing. Anyway, thank you to those who reviewed the last chapter of 'Is He a Heartbreak?', I got some positive feedback again! Wow, who would have thought this story would be building up well? Well enough of me talking, you're here to read a new update so here it is! We see more of Kendall in this one, and Carlos and Logan (AKA Cargan, for those who are fans!) too! Also, pure Kames for a majority of the chapter! So here we are, please enjoy! **Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush! I just own the plot of this AU story, but I so wish I did own Big Time Rush! :'( Oh, italics in this chapter standing for mouthing, no sounds but forming words with your lips!**

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Kendall was lonely at school the next day; even though he was with his two best friends in the whole world, Carlos Garcia and Logan Mitchell, it felt wrong to be without the fourth member of their little group. Carlos and James would be doing crazy things and driving their lovers up a wall, which deep down the two didn't mind. The four rarely got to hang out together anymore.

All thanks to Griffin and his errands...

"Kendall is really down in the dumps." Carlos whispered to his boyfriend softly, as the three headed to fourth period English; Carlos and Logan were juniors like Kendall, though Carlos was one year older than Kendall and Logan was two years old than Carlos.

So the age range in the group was like so: Kendall-fifteen years old, Carlos-sixteen, Logan-eighteen like James, though the smart raven will be turning nineteen sooner than the pretty boy brunette.

Logan nodded with a frown, rubbing Carlos' knuckles gently with his thumb. "He always gets like this when James is out, and I don't blame him. Carlos sweetie, do you ever get a...I don't know, really creepy vibe from Griffin when we see him? He's been James' step-dad for years now, but we don't know much about him. And the way James acts around him, it's as if he's Satan himself." Carlos' dark caramel eyes widened at this, Kendall too stuck in his depression to notice them having a conversation behind his back.

"Y-you feel it too, Logie? I thought I was going crazy, because I swear something's shady about that dude! James is usually friendly and wild but around him, around him he's a completely different person!" He exclaimed, careful to keep his voice down.

The trio soon reached their class and took their seats, which were grouped together into four. Kendall's frown deepened at the empty seat to his right, wishing now more than ever to have his hazel-green eyed lover beside him, holding his hand.

_"You think Kendall is suspicious of him, too?"_ Carlos mouthed behind his hand, Kendall entertaining himself across from them with his sketchbook; Logan shrugged, eyebrows tight lines over his mocha brown, sometimes black in certain lights, eyes.

_"I don't know, but one thing's for sure: Griffin is a weird guy."_ The smart raven managed to mouth back before their teacher, Miss Wainwright, called the class to order; everyone went silent as she went on explaining their latest project: watching two different film adaptations of Romeo and Juliet and then write a three-page paper in a compare/contrast structure.

The whole class groaned but pulled out their notebooks and pencils and pens to take notes, Kendall reluctantly putting aside his latest sketch to focus; Logan and Carlos followed suit, the lights going out as she got the old DVD player running.

For the first ten minutes Kendall was scribbling notes down as if in a frenzy; he did pretty good in this class but always wanted to improve, to show that his skills in English have grown after a whole semester of rigorous reading and analyzing from Miss Wainwright's homework and classwork assignments. He knew he'd never beat Logan as top of the class, but he can at least get his B up to a low A.

All his concentration, however, shattered when he felt his phone vibrate in the front pocket of the black hoodie he was wearing, the hoodie that belonged to his fiancee and smelled so good, so much like him. Carefully and slowly so not to catch Miss Wainwright's eagle eyes, he undid the pattern lock on his phone and smiled almost instantly, raising his hand.

"Yes, what is it Mister Knight?"

"Miss Wainwright, may I go to the nurse? I'm not feeling too well."

**_-Page Break-_**

"James!" Said brunette smiled warmly as Kendall practically sprinted into his open arms, his head of dirty blonde hair snuggling into his strong chest.

James chuckled, leaning down to nip lightly at Kendall's lower lip; a bright red blush crossed the shorter boy's thin cheeks, his heart racing in joy though.

"I thought you said you had to work for your step-dad today." He pointed out, James smirked.

"I ditched." He said simply, even if inside he felt a little nervous; Griffin would no doubt chew him out when he turned in his mission report later today...

Yet he wasn't going to let the bastard keep him away from his fiancee. Plus Griffin can't do crap to him right now, he was too busy planning James' next target.

Kendall's bright green eyes widened at this, worry paling his face. "J-James, are you sure that was a good idea? Griffin can kill you for it!" James held back a violent flinch.

His boyfriend had no idea how truthful those words rang; Griffin, if he didn't need his step-son to get his hands dirty, would have killed him years ago as a little defenseless kid. Still, he couldn't make his sudden distress obvious to Kendall.

The brunette shrugged, pulling Kendall into the nearest corner, said blonde moaning when James began peppering sweet kisses across his chin and neck. "So are you saying you wish for me to leave?" He asked in a low, husky tone, capturing Kendall's lips in a fiery, passionate kiss.

The blonde fell apart at the kiss; his legs nearly gave in if not for James' hands securely around his waist. He sunk his dull fingernails into the worn out leather of James' jacket, pressing his body more into the brunette's. James growled low in his throat and pulled away, making love to Kendall's neck with kisses, love bites and light licks.

"J-James...! Gah!" Kendall choked on words, they unable to jump off his tongue. James smirked into the warm, peach-colored skin; he was seducing the younger boy already, and he hasn't even pulled out all the stops yet.

That is what he loved about Kendall; he was strong, stubborn and fearless, a leader in every sense of the word, but when it came to James he allowed himself to be cared for. He let his guard down, dropped his leader stance and allowed himself to be kissed, loved, tended to as if he was a prince.

To James he was a prince, his prince. His Emerald, his best friend and lover all in one.

"I did not catch that, Kenny Rabbit. Do you wish for me to leave?" Kendall shook his head sharply, mouth slack as James moved his kisses to his hands and wrists, the blonde's pale, thin fingers tracing the tattoo on James' own right wrist.

It was in thick black ink outlined with green: it was Kendall's name, his whole name. There was a heart under his name, a purple heart. James had it done a few months after he turned eighteen, before he gave his boyfriend the promise ring. He said he wanted to keep Kendall close, and every time James left and after they shared a kiss, he'd press two fingers to his lips and to the tattoo; he said Kendall's kisses were magical, and that every time he did that the tattoo would tingle pleasantly, as if it was a part of them both.

At first Kendall thought of how much pain James must have felt at getting a tattoo on such a sensitive area, but the brunette treasured the tattoo almost as much as he cherished Kendall and his lucky comb. After a while, Kendall found it really exciting and sweet to have his name on his fiancee's body.

"N-no, please stay! Come back with me to class, don't go..." Kendall whispered, gripping the front of James' jacket as they shared another kiss; he was left breathless with just a nip, moaning when he felt James' tongue brush his lower lip gently, fondly.

A strange smell made the blonde's nose crinkle though, and James to temporarily freeze in place.

"Jamie...why do you smell like salt and rust?"

'Damn it! I spent three hours in the fucking shower and I still smell like blood! I probably shouldn't have taken off my mask, the smell is still heavy in my hair!' James cursed internally, teeth clenched behind his closed mouth.

He soon blushed in fake embarrassment, an off-character smile on his face. "Griffin had me working with some old friends of his on cars last night, and I swear those guys don't know how to take care of things! The engines were rusted over, it took hours for me just to patch up some of the engines!"

The lie was smooth, fool-proof; Kendall knew how mechanically talented his boyfriend was, he'd joke about how they will save up a lot of money on car repairs in the future, when they were married. He wasn't lying about how long it took to take care of 'business' last night...

Kendall cocked his head to the side, resisting the urge to frown. Something was off about the other's answer, something told him that James wasn't telling the whole story to him. It wasn't through his body language or smile, but his eyes. His eyes were normally a lovely hazel-green, but right now, right now they were dimming to a coal black.

They only went like that when he was deeply upset about something; so many years together, Kendall has learned to read James like a book.

"Are you sure?" James feigned a hurt look.

"You do not believe me, Emerald?" Kendall rubbed the back of his neck.

"It's not that, it's just your eyes. They're turning black."

'Again, damn it.' James thought; his lover wasn't stupid, he noticed the small things that most people would overlook.

"Black, how though? My eyes are naturally hazel-green, sweetie." Kendall now rolled his eyes.

"James, they go darker when something's wrong with you. We've been together for years now, I know you."

'Damn it.'

"I am just a little worried about what my father will say for me skipping work, that's all Kendall." At this the blonde's expression softened, he reaching out to touch James' face softly; the brunette took that hand and kissed it gently, not letting it go.

"Then maybe you should go meet up with him; I don't want to get you in trouble." James snorted.

"Please Kenny, I am always in trouble with him. He was against us dating and tried to break us up, he was against me unofficially proposing to you and tried to break us up still, yet I have ignored it all. If you are trouble, then I am your victim and trust me, I don't mind being the victim of such a beautiful, loving, smart and kind young lynx." James said that last part in a purr, making Kendall blush bright red and his knees to wobble under him. James laced their fingers together, their matching rings catching the weak sunlight over their heads.

"As long as these rings remain and I love you, you are worth anything I have to face." James whispered, expression loving, genuine but also serious.

He's had the title of 'Heartthrob Heartbreaker' for all the four years in high school; many people believed, and still do, that he couldn't be with one person, that Kendall was just a fling he was experimenting with. Many people thought James was a heartless playboy, and he use to be the biggest flirt on campus but all of that changed when he and Kendall confessed their true feelings for each other and got together.

He's always loved Kendall, and since then he's spent all their time together making up for the years he's kept his feelings a secret.

'Damn it, I've never loved someone like this before; the thought of even losing him...I would die without him, he is the one thing I can't live without.'

"J-James..." Kendall held back some tears, feeling deeply touched at the few yet powerful words the brunette just said. He gasped when suddenly James engulfed him in a tight embrace, hands falling on the taller boy's hips.

"James?"

'I'm selfish, a selfish bastard. I say I love him but I can't keep him AND do my jobs as a mercenary. I want to stop killing, I want to stop taking Griffin's orders but he'd kill my mom. I have to fucking pretend I'm just me when I'm really two people; Griffin has the power to completely destroy me, all with one move. And if he has the power to kill my mom...t-then he could go for Kendall too.' James' felt his chest grew tighter at the thought, feeling dizzy as if he wasn't breathing.

Losing his mom would break him, but losing Kendall would kill him! He'd die, he wouldn't be able to go on and he'd kill himself! There was no point living in a world without Kendall, he's all he has!

All he has...and Griffin knows that.

"James?" Kendall called again, yet the brunette was too lost in his thoughts.

'N-no! He won't touch Kendall, if he even tries I'll fucking kill him myself! Griffin took my father away from me, he's trying to control my life! I won't let him take someone else away from me again, no I won't! I'm marrying Kendall no matter what, I won't let Arthur Griffin ruin everything in my life! But the question is...am I willing to risk my mom, my fiancee and my friends just to be free of him?' At this James broke the hug to stare down at his fiancee, who was staring back at him with big, round green eyes.

Those big green eyes; his soft dirty blonde hair, usually a cute messy tangle; his soft peach skin, which often went a strawberry pink when he blushed; those bushy, cute eyebrows; that sweet smile, sweet personality; that look of complete love and adoration he always had on his face when around James; how he loved Carlos and Logan, his mom and sister Katie, so protective of them that he'd take a bullet for them without any second thoughts. The overall beautiful and amazing person Kendall Donald Knight-Diamond (everyone already added James' last name there, even though they were planning to wait two years or so to be married) was.

'Do I really deserve him...?'

"James, please say something...! Y-you're worrying me rig-" Kendall was cut off when James claimed his lips again; the motion behind this one was different though, desperate. It was like the older boy was trying to reassure himself, reassure himself of something torturing him.

'Please don't leave me, Kenny. No matter what.' As if reading James' thoughts, Kendall closed his eyes and kissed back passionately, one hand to James' chest while the one went around his neck. Their mouths molded to each other, bodies pressed close together as they traced each other's bodies, breathing in the other's scent as if it was the air they both breathed.

'Damn, I've really fallen for him. Don't leave me...'

The kiss lasted for five minutes before both pulled away, gasping for air and sharing tender smiles.

"I love you, Jamie." Kendall whispered, that making the other's heart leap.

"I love you too, Kenny."

**_-Page Break-_**

"Do you think Ken's alright?" Carlos asked, worry clear in his voice. The blonde has been gone for almost an hour.

Logan soon smiled as the classroom door opened, he taking Carlos' hand in his and giving it a light squeeze.

"He's okay, and so is James." He said, both soon smiling when Kendall and James joined them, Kendall red in the face while James threw a wink at his two best friends.

"Jay, you made it." James nodded.

"Being in school, hitting the books and being with my fiancee and best bros, way more important to me than some...paperwork at a boring office." James said, locking eyes with Miss Wainwright. She smiled weakly, he responding with a wink Kendall, Logan, and Carlos didn't catch.

He had to pretend that he and Miss Wainwright only had a student-teacher relationship, that they never met before his senior year. Kendall had no idea Kelly was in fact James' godmother.

Another secret to add to his list...

'But if I can find a way to break free from Griffin, I won't have to lie and keep secrets for much longer...'

**_-Page Break-_**

"So you understand your assignment? You have to work with James as his partner, but you'll really be keeping an eye on him. I don't trust the punk; I need to keep him under control before he decides to go rogue. You got that; you fail me, and Dak will be next on my hit list. Got it?" Griffin asked, eyeing the boy coldly, steely.

The boy, a blonde James' age with pale skin and light brown eyes, swallowed all the nasty things he wanted to dish out on the creep for targeting his boyfriend and smiled darkly, nodding.

"Got it, boss. I keep an eye on Diamond, make sure he toes the line and if he tries a thing, I take out Brooke. No problem, spying and killing are only two of my special skills. Besides, maybe being close by will reveal any other...promising hostages I can target in case he really goes rogue."


	4. Chapter 4

Yolo everyone! Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter of 'Is He a Heartbreaker?'! Ready for more? I hope so! Sorry for the quick updates; I only have tonight and tomorrow to update, since I'm leaving college for thanksgiving break and I have no internet access at home! I promise to keep working on my stories while on break, writing down ideas and such, but for now I'm trying to pack as much week-worth work in as possible! Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, add to favorites/alerts this story! I'm so happy to see it's doing great, thanks to Kames all the way for cheering me up earlier! This is for you, sweetheart! Now things pick up pace in this one, though if it is short I'm sorry! I'm still a little sick with a sore throat so I need to rest up as much as I can! Again enjoy, and thank you so much everyone! **Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush! If I did, it would be Kames and Cargan the whole way! Oh man, I wish I owned Big Time Rush! :'(**

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For the rest of the day, Kendall was all smiles.

He got his latest quiz back in Trigonometry and his final score was a ninety-four, something way higher than his usual C's. Logan had given him the thumbs-up for that, along with Carlos grabbing him in a bear hug; the two knew math wasn't exactly the dirty blonde's strong point (same for Carlos) so seeing him so jumpy over a good grade made them laugh in good nature.

From there one of his sketches was put on display in the art classroom, put on display for all to see. He got a lot of praise for it, from fellow classmates and his teacher Mr. X. The poor blonde was red in the face the whole time, but he smiled through it all. He felt flattered, and to see his work being put on display made a warm, fuzzy feeling enter his stomach.

The best part of the day, however, was during lunchtime.

He got to spend it with his best friends and fiancee.

Yes, that was definitely the best part of the day.

Kendall let out a manly giggle when James nipped at his left ear playfully, a pink blush crossing his cheeks.

The four were outside on a picnic table, Kendall on James' lap and Logan on Carlos'. The two ravens were taking advantage of the free time to get Carlos ready for his science test next period, both bent over his books but stealing kisses from each other from time-to-time. They were in their own little world, which didn't bother Kendall and James at all, so lost in the other.

Much like their taller counterparts.

"S-stop!" Kendall choked out, grinning though his blush darkened when James' arms tightened around his waist protectively, securely. James chuckled, the dirty blonde's laughter cut short when he felt lips caressing his neck.

"J-James..hmm, that feels s-so..."

"Good?" The brunette suggested, Kendall nodding.

"Good, no better than good."

"That is great to hear, Emerald." James answered before he undid the first button of Kendall's blue plaid shirt; said blonde blushed harder than before and closed his eyes softly, a moan leaving him when he felt James lightly bite his collarbone.

"J-Jamie, we're still in school. We'll get in trouble for P-PDA if any of the teachers see..." Kendall warned him, yet another gasp torn through his lips when he felt James' perfect teeth sink more into the baby-soft skin of his collarbone. James smirked, before he he began to suck.

"J-James! Gah!" Kendall made sure to lean forward when Miss Wainwright, who was on B lunch duty, passed by so she wouldn't see the intimate scene between them.

James lightly bit and sucked the piece of flesh until a purplish bruise was left behind, he soothing it with a quick lick and kiss before pulling away to meet his lover's awed expression.

"You called, love?" He said as if he had just been brushing his hair; Kendall playfully glared at him and smacked his arm.

"You could have gotten in trouble for that, you have to be more careful, Jamie!"

"And if what I really want is to just ravish you alive?" The brunette purred seductively, Kendall getting lost in those deep hazel-green eyes.

"I-I...I..."

"Guys if you're going to talk dirty, get a room." Carlos teased, a blushing Logan joining him in twin devious smirks. At this James rolled his eyes.

They both knew that James was saving...any further intimate contact with his fiancee until they were married, or when Kendall was eighteen. Until then, however, they would have to wait. Plus James wanted to make Kendall's first time special; he didn't want to have sex, that way of putting it just made it sound all wrong. He wanted to make love to Kendall, nothing less on the matter.

Kendall may not be his first in terms of sexual activities, but he will be his first in terms of making love.

"G-guys, really talking about that while we're eating?!" Kendall always got flustered over the topic of sex, though he smiled when James stroked his hair and smiled back at him.

"Do not worry, Kenny Rabbit. We will wait until it is the right time, and even after the right time I will not do a thing until you are fully certain you are ready yourself. I can and will forever for you, Emerald." James assured him. At this Kendall felt touched.

He didn't know why all of James' past girl and boyfriends said he was a heartbreaker. The James they knew...it was just a shell; an act he put up with the whole world, it was just his way of protecting himself from any form of pain. With Carlos, Logan and him however James was honest and himself, wild and loud but loving and considerate. Maybe those past relationships never got serious enough, serious enough for James to open up and show all sides of him. None of them got to know the brunette more past his good looks and status as the captain of the senior hockey team.

Not like Kendall did.

And that was why Kendall said yes to marrying the brunette; he loved James more than anything in the world, he was his best friend and lover all in one.

When the dirty blonde wanted to taken care of, to be loved the right way (not like the ways songs nowadays preached) he could count on the pretty boy to do just that and more. When Kendall had his rare moments of self-doubt, of self-loathing even James would be there with the right words to snap him out of his depression, to be the shoulder to lean and cry on if necessary. Sure the brunette was in love with himself (he kissed his own reflection, for God's sake!) and was flirty, often too overconfident and blunt but he knew how to care about somebody. He knew how to be a friend; he knew how to be a lover; he knew how to be a protector. He knew how to be everything for Kendall, and how and when to catch him if he fell.

James was the perfect lover, and he was Kendall's perfect lover.

"Thank you, Jamie. I love you." Kendall whispered, nuzzling their noses together gently. James smiled and pressed his ear to the younger boy's chest, smiling at the rapid, yet lively, beating echoing throughout his skull.

'That sweet heartbeat, I never get tired of it.' James thought fondly, closing his eyes to let his lover's heart soothe him to sleep. He could use a ten-minute nap; he got back home late last night and didn't go to bed until three, since he spent most of the early morning showering to get the blood stains off his arms and out of his hair.

"Hey you, you're Diamond?" James, Kendall, Carlos and Logan jumped at the new voice, looking up from each other to see a tall blonde boy James and Logan's age, with pale skin and light brown eyes standing before them with his arms crossed.

He didn't look familiar, so he had to be new around here but the look of recognition that crossed his face at meeting James' said otherwise.

James looked at his fiancee and friends in confusion before slowly sliding from under Kendall, getting up and crossing his arms; a heavy glare pulled at his face, hazel-green eyes suddenly pitch black.

Kendall shivered; something was up, James would never react this way to a total stranger.

"Care to tell me who wants to know?" James asked, struggling to keep the acid out of his tone; a prickling sensation assaulted his skin though, that a tell-tale sign of danger.

Years of training and beginner mercenary jobs have heightened his senses immensely. That didn't mean he had trust issues, but he wasn't as naive as he once was as a kid.

'Griffin sent him, I can feel it.' As if reading his mind, the blonde boy smirked, making hungry eyes at James; Kendall bit his lower lip, eyes narrowing dangerously.

'This is the guy I have to pretend to like?! Gross, he's not as hot as me! But if it's to keep Dak safe...' The blonde thought heavily to himself before finally deciding to answer the brunette.

"I'm Jett, Jett Stetson." Jett Stetson said, shifting his weight to his left heel; James prayed the surprise he was feeling didn't leak onto his facial expression.

'What the hell?! So Griffin went through with his threat! He's having a spy keep on eye on me?!'

"Oh, so you're the guy my father told me about." James kept his response simple; he needed to get away from his fiancee and friends, or else he and this Jett person wouldn't be able to talk about...their apparently new partnership.

"Yeah, he said I'd find you here."

"Fine, then let's talk about that project of his in private."

"J-James, what's going on?" Kendall stood up and grabbed James' hand to stop him, eyeing him suspiciously.

James gave Jett a hateful glare over his shoulder before turning to his fiancee with a smile, eyes hazel-green again.

"Nothing sweetie, just that remember that car trouble job my father put me to last night? Well Jett's one of the guys I met, I fixed his engine up all good but my father insists I have a partner, you know to help me in case it's a job for more than one pair of hands next time around. I just wasn't expecting him to send for Jett so soon."

'Yeah, great now I have this prick to worry about too.' James added to himself, though his eyes widened when Kendall crossed his arms and glared coldly at him.

"James Dylan Diamond, what the heck is going on? This isn't the first time you have to brush me, Carlos and Logan off for a 'project'! What is it anyway, and why can't we help when Griffin knows that we are just as good in fixing cars as you? Why does he insist on splitting you from us, huh?!" Kendall didn't mean to yell but he was growing frustrated.

He was getting tired of all the mystery; what was Griffin having James do that was so big that it had to be a secret?

James sighed to himself, frowning. This was affecting his relationship more quickly than he anticipated. He could see the hurt and confusion, anger and curiosity in his lover's eyes.

'If only I could tell you the truth...'

"Kenny, you know how my father is: he's a fucking bastard that thinks because he's married to my mother that he can control me as he sees fit. It's complicated, love, but please do not be mad at me. I cannot stand it when you're upset, with me especially." James said, taking Kendall's hands in his and kissing them lightly.

Kendall's glare was firm and he looked away from those pleading hazel-green eyes, yet sighed and pulled his hands free, not meeting his fiancee's gaze. "Just go already, your step-dad can be a pain in the ass when he doesn't get what he wants."

"Kendall..."

"James, we need to go now. Either you're coming or not." Jett growled, wrapping an arm around James' waist; Kendall's eyes flashed dangerously and James growled, slapping the arm away with his teeth bared.

"Don't touch me, let's just go." James hissed before stalking off, Jett chuckling to himself and ignoring the dark looks Carlos, Logan and Kendall were giving him.

"Such a feisty asshole, isn't he?"

"Don't talk about my fiancee that way." Kendall snarled, Jett raising an eyebrow at him.

"Oh, you're the runt he's marrying? Hmm, he could have done better, than again there's still time for him to change his mind."

"What did you say?!" Carlos exclaimed, fuming; Logan's arms were the only thing holding him back from landing a punch to the narcissistic blonde's nose.

Jett snorted, smile bitter. "I shouldn't be wasting my time with you three, I have more important things to sort out. See you losers, and Kendall...might want to keep an eye on your pretty boy fiancee; don't want anyone stealing him away, right?" That added salt to the wound, Kendall fuming with weak tears in his eyes as the taller, older blonde left after James, Logan wrapping an around his friend's shoulders.

"Don't listen to him, he's a jerk from head-to-toe and that comment was completely uncalled for!"

"I can't believe James is being forced to work with that guy..." Carlos added in disgust; Kendall was uncertain, though.

'James...what are you hiding?'

**_-Page Break-_**

"What the fuck was that little stunt for?!" James yelled at Jett, they now a safe distance away from Sherwood High. Jett smirked as he tossed the brunette a spare helmet, he getting the engine of his brand new motorcycle running in seconds.

"All will be explained by the boss, not me. Now get on and hold tight, I'm not wasting my time hearing you whine about your pathetic boyfriend." Jett snapped back, fastening his own helmet.

James fought the urge to slice the guy's vocal cords out as he pulled on the helmet and got on, mind racing as fast as Jett was driving.

'I've never had to fight the urge to kill this badly before...'


	5. Chapter 5

Okay everyone, last update before I'm gone for Thanksgiving break! I would update tomorrow, but I have to pack and do other things before leaving, so please enjoy this latest update! Thank you to Kames all the way and my dear sister Shani for reviewing, I like hearing that you two and everyone else reading this story are getting into it, curious and hungry for more! This is for everyone, enjoy!**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush! I just own the story's plot and I do know the boys' actual birthdays, I marked them all on my calender! But that's it, so yeah don't own Big Time Rush!**

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"Keep it up, no slacking! Being predictable on the field will just get you caught, act as if you're actually trying to kill each other!" Griffin backed into the microphone, eyes steely yet glimmering with sick amusement.

He was watching James and Jett train, by fighting against the other, to see which one of them has gripped all the discipline and endurance he's forced into them. He was watching them train in the basement of his music company; it had once been a storage room, but after some serious remodeling now resembled a secret base to train super soldiers. The walls were sound-proof and made of some stone that was ten times stronger than lead, yet light in weight as stained glass. The floor, like the walls, was made of smooth rock and a depressing gray, no windows apart from the ones Griffin was standing behind to survey the training session. Constructed right below the windows, on the lower ramp, was what looked like a practice battlefield; the floor was bare and hard, no soft cushioning for when either James or Jett took a fall. The field was divided perfectly in two, with certain secret obstacles built in for basic scouting training.

This was the field James and Jett were training vigorously on.

The two were in their costumes, no limitations on weapons apart from missile launchers and grenades, battling it out as if really wanting to kill the other.

James ducked as Jett came at him, doing a back-flip over the blonde's head before sheathing his twin swords; Jett saw this coming, however, and blocked with his bare hands, flinching underneath his mask but ignoring the droplets of blood leaving his now sliced palms. James grunted and pulled back sharply; salty-smelling crimson splattered the floor, some on James' swords while Jett clenched his fists.

"You're pretty good." Jett spat behind his mask; James' visible eye narrowed dangerously.

"I am the best." He said simply before letting a yell and pouncing.

He took Jett down with a swift kick to the legs and landing, hard, on the other's ribs; Jett felt blood line his tongue from the force of the blow, but he let out a laugh which left James momentarily confused. "You're pretty good, but you're NOT the best."

With surprising speed Jett pulled a dagger from his belt and stabbed James across the chest, the brunette gasping and leaving himself open for back lash; he hit the ground on his side, right hand trying to stop the flow of blood leaving his left pectoral muscle while the other gripped one of his guns.

"The best mercenary here wouldn't have left himself so vulnerable for an attack." James pushed his body to stand, even when every pore screamed at him to stop. He was on his feet, feeling a little dizzy from the blood loss but removing his hand from the wound to pull his other gun out of its holster.

"No, the best mercenary here does not care about leaving himself vulnerable for an attack; a real, well-trained mercenary always leaves himself open, because that way he can pack a larger punch through the next assault." Jett pounded his fists together; his hands were soon trapped in huge metal gloves, them shining in the bright lights of the training field.

The gloves stopped mid-fingers and seemed simple enough, but built in were secret lasers, blades that slid out below his palms, and knock-out gas near the wrists. Large, sharp steel blades protruded from his knuckles, he adjusting his stance as he snarled under his breath.

"You're not the best! Griffin trained me around the same time he did you!"

"True, but I am the one who has to deal with him 24/7. Hmm, maybe you've gotten soft, Stetson?"

"SHUT UP!" Jett threw himself at James, slicing the air as he lashed and lashed out over and over; James dodged each move easily, his right foot connecting with Jett's lower jaw.

The blonde was thrown back against the nearest wall, James wasting no more time.

_Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!_

"That's it! I've seen enough!" Griffin's voice echoed, James loosening his hold on the twin triggers.

Jett was laying still on the floor, breathing faint but still conscious; the seven bullets have dug into him, one between his eyes and another in his collarbone. The rest littered his chest.

"Good job, both of you. You have ten minutes to change; I'll give you the information on the next target and you two are to report back to me all ready to go in two hours. Now get out, I'll have someone of my personal staff clean up in here."

**_-Page Break-_**

"You're damn lucky you were wearing bullet-proof clothing under your suit; I would have finished you off back there." James growled as he and Jett went to the nearest bathroom to change out of their costumes. They didn't bother to tend to their injuries.

The two didn't bother with the stalls either and just stripped before the mirrors, James dumping his skull mask in the nearest sink. Jett let out a gruff laugh, running a hand through his sweaty, tangled light brown-blonde hair.

"Please, it's not under the suit. It's a part of it; Griffin gave you guns while he gave me all the fun sharp, pointy things. He always had planned for us to work together, so he did that little detail on my suit on purpose. Plus I wasn't the one on the edge back there, you were." Jett didn't flinch when James grabbed him by the neck and slammed him into the nearest wall, said brunette growing angrier at seeing the other's smug smirk.

"You know, just because we're not on the field does not mean I do not wish to kill you; in fact, I can do it right here right now, if that's what you want!"

"Do you always switch between contractions and no contractions when you talk?" That smart ass comment got Jett's head to collide with a mirror this time; blood dripped from his left brow, but his smirk was still in place.

"I've grown immune to physical pain; you should know that, since I'm pretty sure Griffin beat that lesson well into you too." He spat, James tightening his grip on his neck.

"What's Griffin really after?"

"You tell me, pretty boy. I'm just here to serve as another guy to do his dirty work."

"You hate killing."

"Who says I do?" Jett asked, that making James' eyes grew wide and let go of him. His posture went stiff, Jett going back to stripping off his suit until it hung limply around his waist, his weapons all retracted.

"Are you saying you get a thrill from murdering people?!" James demanded, getting a snort from Jett.

"Please, as if you don't either."

"That's a lie!"

"Really, then why the threat earlier? If you didn't like killing then you wouldn't have made it in the first place." Jett pointed out, their faces inches apart as they glared hotly and deeply into each other's eyes.

James saw the light brown of Jett's eyes...turn black with rage, with inner turmoil.

'J-just like my eyes, his eyes are haunted. They're haunted by the fact he's killed so many innocent people...'

"How many have you taken out, Diamond?" Jett asked; it was simple question, yet it made a shiver crawl up the brunette's spine.

"I've been in this business since I was thirteen; according to Griffin's records, I've killed...I've k-killed about eighty-seven people."

"I've taken out sixty-two, so we're not so innocent as we look. Face it, Diamond, we enjoy killing now. We've both been doing this for Griffin since we were thirteen; he had us trained at different times and different places, but the result is the same: we're killing machines, we don't easily feel remorse."

"N-no, I don't like killing! It's disgusting and not a fucking day goes by when I don't think about the families I've destroyed! The families I've the destroyed, the graveyards I've filled, the people I've left crippled and broken, not a day goes by when I don't have nightmares! Nightmares of the people I killed asking why I did it, why did I have to take their lives!" James screamed, gripping his head and leaning over a sink, the one with his mask hanging off the edge.

He bit his lower lip and looked at his pale, shaking reflection in one of the mirrors; he was gaunt-looking, hair matted with sweat and hazel-green eyes so dull and dim. He blinked, and what he saw next horrified him: his face, but emotionless; blood splattered everywhere, from his left eye to his neck, someone else's blood; eyes dark and...empty, cold as a winter's night.

"You see it too, huh? That blank face, the dead black eyes, the blood everywhere. That face, it's the face of someone who has no heart. That is the face of the monster Griffin turned you into, just like he did me. That guy in the mirror, he looks like you but isn't you at the same time." Jett whispered at James' back, tone soft and weak.

James reached up with one large, thin hand to cheek his face; the guy in the mirror did the same, yet his facial expression did not change.

It was James' inner monster, the one moving around under his skin.

'Oh God...'

"That's the guy you turn into when you're wearing that suit." And Jett was right; James' reflection wasn't nude from the waist up, it was still in costume, free hand on one of his swords.

'N-no. No, no, no. No!'

"NO!" James smashed the mirror; blood dripped down to his mask and from his hand, he stumbling back and about to fall if not for Jett catching him. The brunette was trembling violently, tears close to spilling down his cheeks. He could see that hideous reflection still in the broken pieces of mirror, moving and...laughing.

"Oh God..." James choked out; Jett nodded, expression grim.

"Those reflections in the mirror, they're of the monsters we have inside; the monsters Griffin created." He said, quick to turn James around so that their faces met.

"Listen, Diamond...no, listen James. I don't want this partnership; in fact, I'm still in shock that Griffin managed to track me down. I was living in California under a different name, under a disguise every day. I did all I could so that Griffin couldn't find me but he still did even with all my effort, and he dragged me into this again. I wanted to b-back out, but then...he threatened someone's life, someone I care about, if I didn't give into his demands. This person, if they were to die I'd have no way to recover, I'd probably kill myself from grief. James, I can't lose this person; my parents never gave a damn about me, and my cousins just want me for the fame I carry. This person is all I have, literally and figuratively. If I were to lose this person...my whole life loses its meaning, you understand me?

James didn't say anything, yet gave a shaky nod.

"So listen to me, listen to me very carefully. Either we make this partnership work for our shared benefit, or we continue treating each other as enemies until Griffin gets bored and decides to kill us and everyone we love. I don't want to be here, I don't want to be your enemy. I'm only doing this to save that person, to protect him because...he has no idea I do this.

'J-just like Kendall...'

"I'm going to say this now, though; you do anything, anything at all, that compromises my lover's safety...and I'll kill you myself. You weren't wrong; I do love killing, it's too wired in me to hate, to not want to do. I'm a monster, a monster I never wanted to be, but a monster all the same. And I will kill you if you compromise my lover; I'll kill you, that way your fiancee and I will feel the same agony, the same misery." Jett finished his whole speech in one breath, letting go of James at the same time.

James leaned against the nearest stall as Jett finished changing, the blonde not looking back at him once the whole time. Finally, he said, "I'm done, you have to hurry or Griffin will come stomping asking why we're taking so long to go after our next kill."

**_-Page Break-_**

"Kelly?" Said woman flinched but walked over to Griffin's desk with a low bow.

"Yes sir?"

"Have James or Jett killed any targets...say around their age?" He asked, face in shadow.

Kelly fumbled with her clipboard, shuffling through the papers. "Um...no s-sir, they've only killed adult targets, you know your older rivals. W-why do you ask, sir?" Griffin smirked coldly, though the brown-eyed woman could not see it.

"I just got an idea: I think it's about time they try out their skills on...my much more younger competitors."

'And all those other worms that are in my way.'

**_-Page Break-_**

Kendall was silent through dinner, was silent as he helped clear the table and was silent right now as he helped his mom do the dishes.

His eyes were sad and his mouth in a frown, all signs of a depressed teen.

"Sweetie, care to tell me what's wrong?" Jen asked gently, eyeing her one and only son with worried eyes. Kendall snapped out his stupor and smiled weakly, a failed attempt to look normal.

"Nothing's wrong, Mom. I'm okay." He began, yet he sighed in defeat when she gave him a look.

"Okay, okay! Just stop with the look, it burns!" He shouted childishly, Jen giggling before going serious again.

"Funny dear, now what's wrong?" Kendall sighed again, looking down at the sponge in his right hand.

"Mom, has someone you love ever kept secrets from you?" He asked; Jen's eyes softened.

'He's probably talking about James. They have been oddly distant lately.' A mother's instincts are hardly ever wrong.

Jen dried her hands with a towel and wrapped her arm around her son's shoulders, ruffling his hair. "Honey, everyone in the world has secrets; some are secrets that can talked about, others not until it's the right time. Just because someone has secrets, however, doesn't mean something is wrong. It just means they need time to sort out their thoughts, find the right time and way to talk about them. I don't have the slightest doubt that James loves you with all his heart; he's probably just struggling with something on his mind, but just give him time, sweetie. Good things come to those who wait."

Kendall smiled at his mom's words, giving her a big hug; she always knew what to say and how to make him better.

"Thanks, Mom."

"Anytime, sweetie. Now go get ready for bed, you have school tomorrow." The dirty blonde groaned but did as he was told, Jen smiling at his retreating back.

'Just have a little faith, sweetie; I'm sure things will work out.'

**_-Page Break-_**

It wasn't long before Kendall was asleep in bed; he did have a tiring day today, he in plaid pajama bottoms and a t-shirt, all snuggled up under the sheets.

He was a heavy sleeper; he didn't hear his window hatch being undone or the body that rolled through, a tall shadow soon looming over him.

James' dark eyes fell on the sleeping beauty, his expression softening when he saw how cute the blonde looked; he got on his knees and lightly stroked Kendall's face, feeling the soft skin and sharp curves of his cheekbones.

"I love you." James barely whispered, before pressing a kiss to the pair of lips under him; Kendall made a soft pleased noise but didn't wake up, probably thinking it was an effect of his dream.

James kept the kiss going until he ran out of air, breath stolen by the amazing feeling he always felt when kissing Kendall, pulling away to stroke the younger boy's face again as he got a call from Jett.

"James here." He whispered into the mouthpiece of his communicator.

"Yeah, what is it? He needs us now, already? Our next target, where is he? Wait, it's a girl, where? California?"

'Around the same area Gustavo use to live in...' James thought coldly, before sighing softly.

"Okay, I'm on my way. We'll take my jet, it's faster. Meet me at the base in ten." He ended the call shortly afterwards, leaning close to press his nose lightly to Kendall's.

"I am sorry, I promise to make it up to you." With one last kiss James left through the window again, redoing the hatch.

Kendall stirred in his sleep but was still again minutes later.

**_-Page Break-_**

"So who is the unlucky lady tonight?" James asked Jett, managing the jet's controls. He was making sure everything was in check before they headed out, Jett in the seat next to him.

Jett sighed, swallowing hard around the lump in his throat. "M-Mercedes Griffin...his estranged daughter."

James felt a cold chill run down his spine, but said nothing in return; the jet was alive now, it a large bird in the night sky as it took to the winds and disappeared among the clouds.

The two shared not a word the whole flight.


	6. Chapter 6

Okay I lied! My mom isn't picking me up until like one in the afternoon, so yay one more update! What's up, my people?! Ha, sorry just excited to be home from college after so long! But anyway, onward to the next chapter! Wow, I have to say I was left blushing when I saw just how many people are enjoying this story! I mean, wow you guys never cease to amaze me, thank you so much for all the support and reviews! And so to thank you all, there is some James angst in this chapter but some sweet Kames! I hope that pleases everyone and keeps everyone busy and curious until I return from break! Please enjoy, tell me what you all think and just have fun! Thank you so much, everyone! **Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush! All I own is copies (not signed, unfortunately) of their albums, which rock! Other than that, I don't Big Time Rush! I only own the story's plot!**

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To say Kendall was shocked to see a grim-looking Jett on his doorstep on the way out to school the next morning was an understatement.

He truly had no idea how to take the older blonde's out-of-the-blue visit: in mild surprise or building anger.

He decided to go with the first option; he was too drained from last night to properly get worked up, plus the look on Jett's face didn't promise a problem.

"What are you doing here?"

Jett sighed heavily, light brown eyes almost...black.

They were black, pitch black, as if he was wearing color contacts.

'They turn black sometimes...just like James' eyes do.' Kendall thought with an unpleasant shiver.

"It's Jame. He's...he's not doing so good." That alone made the shiver leave, Kendall's heart racing in worry.

"W-what do you mean? What's wrong with him, is he sick? Is he hurt, did something happen last night? Tell me, Jett! Please, don't leave me in suspense here!" Jett held his hands up in a surrender pose.

"Look, James asked me to come get you. He's not feeling good and, to be honest, he looks like crap. He's pale and shaky, and crying like crazy. He won't leave his room or let his mom talk to him; he will talk to you though, he made that much clear when he sent me a text to come and get you." He explained, Kendall's green eyes going wide.

James rarely cried, rarely broke down. If he was upset, he'd bottle it up and let it all out later through heavy words and sighs, but for to him to break down crying...

Something had to be terribly wrong.

And Kendall wasted no more time; pulling off his backpack and slamming the front door shut after leaving it behind in the hall, he pulled Jett along towards his car. He still had his permit but Jett was eighteen, a legal adult. He wouldn't get in trouble. School was also the last thing on his mind. He did well in school, his grades were high enough; missing one day wouldn't screw him up too much, Logan and Carlos can fill him in on everything later.

Right now, James was what mattered most. He was one of the most important people to Kendall, and for him he'd do anything.

And right now, his boyfriend needed him. That topped school, big time.

Jett made no effort to stop the shorter, younger boy from dragging him around and urging him inside the small Ford Fiesta, inside feeling really bad for the in-the-dark blonde sitting next to him, tears in his usually bright green eyes.

'To think, he cares so much about James and the guy can't tell him his secret because...because Griffin can pull the same dirty stunt on them like he did to me and Dak. Oh Dak...I just hope I can keep you save and not lose my sanity at the same time. From seeing James in this state, I don't know how long it will be before I snap too.'

_**-Page Break-**_

The state Kendall found his fiancee in once he and Jett parked in front of the Diamond household was terrible.

James was in bed, curled up in a fetal position. His covers were on the floor, the AC on high yet he was only wearing a pair of black boxers. He had obviously taken a shower earlier but didn't tend to his hair, so it was still wet and a darker brown. His arms were wrapped tightly about his torso, as he was holding himself together, and his body was violently shaking. His body was violently shaking from the cold, and from the sobs still leaving him.

Kendall felt his heart break at the seeing one of the strongest people he's met so broken, so in pieces.

"Jamie...?" The brunette's muscular, slender frame tensed up at the pet name only his fiancee used frequently, a gasp separating his pale, trembling lips.

He twisted around among the pillows so he faced his ajar bedroom door, Kendall standing there along with his mother, Brooke. Jett decided it was best the shorter blonde went up alone, so he stayed downstairs in the living room wrapped up in a very...serious conversation with Griffin.

"M-my Emerald?" Even James' voice sounded off; instead of inspiring confidence, energy it sounded lost and petrified like the voice of a scared little boy.

'Oh Jamie...'

Kendall soon crawled into bed with him, Brooke leaving them alone with a pleading glance over her shoulder towards her baby boy; she could hope that if he couldn't talk to her about what was making him so distraught, at least she can count on Kendall to find out the reason. She couldn't stand to her see her one and only son in this state.

"Jamie, Jamie honey what's wrong? Why are you so upset, tell me. Tell me, it's okay I'm here." Kendall cooed, wrapping his arms around the older boy.

James let out a scream, which was muffled due to his face pressed into Kendall's chest, and gripped tightly at his hair. He started mumbling incoherent things, his violent shaking increasing while Kendall began to feel tears soak through his shirt.

"Jamie, Jamie talking about it will help. It's okay; nothing is going to hurt you, no one is going to hurt you. It's okay, tell me please. I can't stand to see you this way, it's breaking my heart." Kendall repeated in a much softer, gentler tone; he could tell raising his voice would only drive James into what looked like an extreme episode of post-traumatic stress disorder.

The brunette looked so vulnerable, so fragile as if he was made of glass and had severe cracks that could lead to him finally shattering.

James knotted his fingers into the smooth folds of his fiancee's shirt, pulling away to rest his head on Kendall's right shoulder; his watery, angry red hazel-green eyes met the dirty blonde's tear-streaked, worried face.

Kendall was crying with him; even though he had no idea why James was upset, it was like he could feel his pain. It was like they were one; they understood each other well, could talk about anything easily. That's what made them best friends, and even better lovers.

"K-Kendall, I...I..."

"You what, Jamie? It's okay, it's okay I'm here. What's wrong?" Kendall cupped James' face between his thin, pale hands and pressed their noses together, pressing an encouraging kiss to James' trembling lips.

James savored the kiss, the warm, soft and sweet emotion behind the gesture. He moved one hand to Kendall's waist, finger digging into the fabric of his dark skinny jeans as if afraid the blonde would disappear at any moment.

"Kendall, I...I, my step-sister..."

"Mercedes? What about her, baby? Is she alright, it's been a while since you two talked."

"K-Kendall, she's...she's dead, she was found died last night."

**_-Page Break-_**

'Oh my God.' Kendall thought, all the blood draining from his face.

James nodded shakily, another sob leaving him as he buried his face into Kendall's chest again. Kendall gripped tightly the brunette's shoulders with one arm, his free hand going up to stroke James' mattered hair softly.

His fiancee's step-sister Mercedes, she was dead?

'H-how?! Why?! When?!'

As if reading his boyfriend's scrambled thoughts, James began going over the tragic news.

"G-Griffin got a call around five this morning; there's a time difference between here and California but...but Alec, her boyfriend, found her d-dead in her apartment. She had got a bullet i-in the face, blood was e-everywhere on her; she slowly bled to death for about three-four minutes. N-no one heard a gun being shot, no one heard her s-scream so the police are assuming she was drugged. She d-didn't put up much of a fight either, so they're also assuming she knew her a-attacker. No evidence has been uncovered from t-the crime scene, the police can't find anything but she was murdered, Kendall! She was fucking murdered and the police can't do a damn thing about it! M-my sister got shot in the head, point-blank range and they can't catch the sicko who did this!"

Kendall bit his lower lip, tears falling into James' hair.

He's had some experience with brutal murders. His dad was killed when he was really little; Katie hadn't been born yet so she had no memory of their late father Spencer, but Kendall had witnessed the whole thing. He had been with his dad at the grocery store when he was shot trying to protect him and the cashier, the only two people in the store at the time besides him, from the robbers that decided to assault the place that quiet July night about seven years ago. Kendall had witnessed the death of his father and from that was emotionally scarred. He could remember clearly as if it was yesterday that he was in a deep depression, so deep he tried to commit suicide at the age of eleven. Thankfully James had decided to stop by that afternoon and had called 911 immediately after discovering his best friend's nearly dead body; if it wasn't for the brunette, Kendall wouldn't be alive right now. Kendall knew what it was like to lose someone very close to him, and now James did too.

James and Mercedes, the close bond they had...they were closer than brothers and sisters who were blood-related.

Even though at first they didn't get along, mostly because James hated her dad and Mercedes hated his mom, the two eventually grew close. They had the same attitude when it came to their looks, both liked fashion and setting trends. Even though Mercedes was more spoiled than her younger brother (James was two years younger than Mercedes; she was twenty when she was murdered) and often envied him for the close parent-child relationship he had with his mother Brooke, she would not deny that she loved James immensely.

She had offered to take James in after he was done with high school; she had offered to let him live with her while he attended college. Mercedes knew James and her father didn't see eye-to-eye, so she offered to look after him even when she moved out. Back when they were kids becoming teenagers, Mercedes was always the one who protected her brother from her dad at home. Kendall, Carlos and Logan did a great job with that in public, but they couldn't do much when they were away from the brunette.

James' older sister, his best girl friend in the whole world, his childhood protector. She was gone, she was gone forever.

And the only person allowed to go see her was her father Griffin; he was keeping her death a secret from his wife and James only knew because...because of his 'job'. Griffin had already arranged a solo trip to California for tomorrow at the crack of dawn. He was going to help prepare her funeral with Alec (AKA Guitar Dude) and cover all the expenses.

Griffin wasn't going to let his step-son go mourn his sister's death. He was going to take that right away from him, just like he did with his father Michael. Yes, his father Michael was also dead; Griffin let him in on that little secret after telling him about Mercedes.

He had Jett take out James' father months ago.

"I'm so sorry, James." Kendall whispered, burying his face into James' hair as the brunette began crying once again.

**_-Page Break-_**

'Fuck you, Griffin. Fuck you to Hell, you fucking bastard! F-fuck you, for what you made m-me do!' James thought angrily, unable to control himself; he kept his face hidden in Kendall's chest, the dirty blonde's body heat keep the chill in the air at bay.

He never thought he could hate a person this much before, but now he knew it was possible.

He hated Arthur Griffin with everything he had, every fiber of his being.

'Fuck you, Griffin. Fuck you...for making me k-kill my own sister...!'


	7. Chapter 7

Hey, Raven here! Updating a little during break! I'm happy to say that I can use my phone's internet to write, but I can only use it for a certain amount of time, so just for Today and maybe Saturday! But thank you to everyone for the growing interest and positive response to this story! I have to say, I'm truly blown away even with the time I have on this site. This is for everyone! There's a little more James angst in this, but we also have Kendall getting a little suspicious too! Especially with a few things he notices! Well, anyway no more delaying! Here's the latest chapter, hope everyone enjoys it and thank you again for support! **Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush! I do make videos for them on their birthdays, but other than that nothing! I don't own Big Time Rush! :'(** **Sorry if this chapter was short, but break is not just for writing! Need to spend some time with family, but I wish everyone a happy and safe Thanksgiving! Enjoy the food, I know I will after living off college meals for six months!**

* * *

It took a while for Kendall to help calm James down, but once he did the brunette was in a deep, dreamless sleep. Kendall got a call from his mom around three in the afternoon and nearly got chewed out for missing school, his teachers had called her at work when he didn't show up for any of his classes, but she soon relaxed when he explained the hard time (in little detail) his fiancee was going through. After that she wished him goodnight and to give her love and support to James when he woke up; Jen knew her son wasn't going to leave James' side anytime soon, so she allowed him to spend the night over the Diamond household. Brooke had no problem with Kendall staying over, so much wasn't said in terms of disagreement. Griffin said not a word, too busy finalizing his travel plans to glower at the dirty blonde.

James was still as a corpse in bed, laying on his back with his arms folded neatly over his toned stomach; his hair was now dry but wild and tangled, dried tear tracks glistening against his thin, flushed cheeks. Kendall had pulled the covers and some extra blankets over his fiancee's nearly naked body, tucking them well under him so he wouldn't freeze from the cold chill in the air. His breathing was faint but clear, from the raising and falling of his chest, and his face was smooth, zero emotion.

Hopefully he stayed that way, stoic instead of being plagued by nightmares.

Kendall was quick to change into some pajamas he found in James' closet (they borrowed clothes from each other on a daily basis, so he knew where to look) and crawl into bed beside him, reaching out with sad green eyes to stroke James' left cheek.

The brunette didn't react, too trapped in his dreamless sleep to feel the soft, warm hand caressing his skin.

'James, I'm so sorry. And Griffin's being an asshole. What guy doesn't let his 'son' go mourn his own sister's death? Griffin knew how close Mercedes and James were, he's just doing this to hurt James. He's more heartless than I thought...' Kendall thought darkly, biting his lower lip to fight back tears.

He knew that this would greatly effect his fiancee; first losing contact with his father, and now his step-sister dead without little chance of finding the killer? James has suffered so much, he didn't need anymore Hell to break loose.

"I'm here though; I promise I won't let you go through this alone." Kendall whispered, pressing a quick kiss to James' neck.

That's when the weirdness began.

First, James flinched; he flinched at the touch and subconsciously rolled onto his side, back to the shorter boy. Second, the area Kendall had kissed, James' pulse point, looked smeared; it was the same caramel-brown tone as the rest of James' body, but with a dark red peeking out. And lastly, long, criss-crossing lines, invisible if overlooked, ran all over James' muscular back.

'What the...?' Kendall switched on the lamp on the bedside table and carefully, slowly pulled the covers and blankets away from James; a sick feeling entered his stomach, a silent gasp tearing free from his lips.

Scars. Millions and millions of scars, red and pink and dark purple, littered the dark, smooth skin of James' back. Some were long and old, going from one shoulder to the other, and others were small and fresh-looking, bright red and badly tended to. Among the cuts were purplish bruises, some yellow from healing over time. A few of said cuts and bruises had large drops of make-up over them to hide how bad they really were, but others were bare.

'W-what is this?! Where did he g-get this scars? Oh G-God...' Kendall slid of the bed and walked over to James' side, brandishing the lamp high over his head like a torch; James didn't react to the strong light hitting his face, whole frame limp like that of a rag doll's.

Just as he feared...

There were more cuts and bruises on James' chest. These looked recent though, so he must have gotten them a day or two ago: pink twitching flesh, dried blood along a particular large and nasty cut on the brunette's left pectoral, deep scratches that were in the process of scabbing over.

The blonde felt all the blood drain from his face; who or what the hell attacked his fiancee?!

'And why...w-why hasn't he told me about this? Oh God, James...James what is happening to you? A-are you doing this to yourself, or...or are you really stringing me along? What's happening to you...?' Kendall thought in a mixture of confusion and horror.

James made a hissing sound, the gash on his left pectoral beginning to bleed again; Kendall made to grab some disinfectant and band-aids from James' bathroom but the brunette soon crossed his arms again and snuggled into the pillows, smearing red into the beige sheets.

'The smell of rust and salt...James lied, he had been bleeding that day. That's the only explanation: he either got cut up working on those cars...or Griffin is doing something to him.' At this Kendall flinched, hands shaking.

Griffin...could he be abusing James? Those cuts, bruises and welts, did he really have so much contempt for his step-son to actually put his hands on him? And did Brooke have any idea what her monster of a husband was doing to her one and only son?!

'J-James, no please let me be wrong. Please...but if I'm wrong about Griffin abusing you, then...what are you hiding from me?'

**_-Page Break-_**

"So Griffin's stopping by Los Angeles? What for?" A girl, probably nineteen years old, asked Jett with a baffled expression. Jett sighed, they at a small coffee shop not far from James' house, the two seated in a booth for more privacy.

"He had me and James kill his daughter; he's going to 'mourn her death', but that's all bull and he's just trying to pull off the heartbroken dad act out to keep his image in the clear." Jett said, the girl across from him glaring hotly and crossing her arms; she was dressed like a rocker, and had pale skin with black hair streaked with red. She was pretty, very pretty, but the look of utter disgust on her face made her usually attractive appeal go stale.

"What a sicko, he had his step-son kill his own daughter, who happened to be his step-son's sister too. So that's why you called me over to come." She said, Jett nodding.

"Yeah, Lucy this may be our only chance. Griffin will be gone for three days, that's his plan right now, and he's not leaving us any potential targets to take out in his absence. This is our chance to team up, you and me and James; we've been Griffin's dirty little secrets for too long. We've been made to be mercenaries against our will, we've killed innocent people and have had our loved ones threatened and taken away. Griffin is threatening James through his mother, friends and fiancee much like he's doing to me through Dak. And he took Camille away from you; you have no idea where she is, or if she's still alive even." Jett saw Lucy tense at the mention of her missing girlfriend.

"Don't remind me, Stetson."

"I'm sorry but see that the three of us aren't so different after all, Lu? Griffin has gotten away with too much, it's about time we get our revenge. If we team up and take him out, then our troubles are over: James doesn't risk his mom, I can go live a normal life with Dak, and we pool all our resources together to help you find Camille. But we can only do that if we act now; we kill him, and everything goes from there."

"But you're suggesting we kill him."

"And?"

"We'll be still cold-blooded serial killers, in the eyes of the police."

"No, because we forced to take all those people. We didn't want to, but it was either us doing what he said or having our families in a bloodbath. We can't seriously be charged as criminals for that." Lucy looked skeptical still, though.

"There's still a high chance we will pay a higher price than Griffin."

"I'll think of something, but you're avoiding my question: are you in or not? Are you going to team up with me and James to bring Griffin down once and for all?" Jett asked, a little impatient.

Lucy took another sip of her hot chocolate before sighing a few minutes later, dark brown eyes hard and almost pitch black.

"Okay I'm in, what's your plan though?"


	8. Chapter 8

Yolo the world and all beyond the first universe! Sorry for the long absence, I was too caught up in the epicness that is the new Zelda game! In case of any Zelda fans are reading this, the new game is freaking awesome! Totally worth it, the Zelda team has done it again! Well anyway, onward to this new chapter! I hope everyone enjoys it, especially Kames all the way! He's writing this awesome story, called 'The Selfish Ways of Tragedies' and it's wonderful! Go and read it, guys, totally worth it! And now, new chapter! Ta-da, hope this makes everyone happy! Though some things are heading in the wrong direction...! **Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush! I just own copies of their three asterous albums, but that's about it! I don't own anything but the plot of this story, nothing else though! Curse my luck! Sorry if this is short, trying to get back in the writing groove again after so long!**

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"You're finally up? Damn, it's almost noon." Jett said, standing in the doorway of James' bedroom.

James threw his towel aside and pulled on a clean, plain t-shirt, covering up the bruises on his back and chest. "Eh, I hate sleeping in."

"Why, don't beauty queens need to sleep a lot to stay looking good?" Jett asked, an amused smirk on. James returned it.

"It is not that, I am beautiful no matter what; it's just, I could have swore my bed was not so empty last night."

"Oh yeah, your fiancee left about an a hour ago, and I have to say he looked a little off." At this James tensed, yet managed to keep his facial expression blank.

"Really, and what gave you that idea?" Jett sighed, running a hand through his soft brown-blonde hair.

"He had a look, it was like he just saw a ghost or something."

'Is it possible that he saw the marks on my back? No, I mean I couldn't have been that careless...right?' The brunette felt panic well up in his stomach.

If Kendall saw the scars, then it could lead him to James' secret other life as a mercenary, Griffin's most skilled and dangerous mercenary. And if Kendall were to find out what James did...he'd leave him.

'He'd leave me; he'd h-hate me, he'd break off the engagement and hate me for the rest of his life. He'd want nothing to do with me and worse, h-he'd report me. He'd have me a-a-arrested.' James' legs nearly gave in; Jett saw this however and wrapped his arms around the taller boy's waist, lips at his left ear.

"James, calm down. I can tell what's running through your head by your face; you're freaking about Kendall finding out your secret but chill, chill and hear me out okay? If he saw those scars, you can just say you got pretty banged up in a fight; someone tried to mess with you and you won, just with a few battle scars but nothing too serious. He doesn't have to find out the truth, and if he doesn't find out the truth then you won't get thrown in the slammer. So chill, all you have to do is if he asks, which no doubt he will after the shock wears off, is just tell about a bad fight you got into. That's all you have to do, so stop worrying." But at this, James felt the urge to cry.

"I'm sick and tired of this!" Jett nearly dropped him, surprised at the outburst.

"What?"

"I'm sick and tired of this! Of the lying, the going behind my fiancee's back to do these sick jobs! Jett, I had to kill my own SISTER! I held a gun to her h-head, she begged me not to shoot, s-she knew her father put me up to that! S-she knew and she offered to protect me and you from him, s-s-she wanted to s-save me and I...I k-k-killed her! I shot her in the head, she was dead before hitting the ground! I-I killed my own flesh and blood, my sister! My b-best friend, my s-s-sister! I took her life away, and she was PREGNANT!

Jett's light brown eyes dimmed at this, a silent gasp tearing through his lips. James soon felt wet warmth run down his face, he was crying.

"She was p-pregnant, six months. It wasn't that noticeable even at six months, but the doctor said that was okay and she and the baby were doing fine, but I-I killed her. I killed her, and my u-unborn niece. I-I was going to be an u-u-uncle...

James fell to his knees, the weight of the guilt too much for him to stand; Jett was hunched over beside him, arms still wrapped firmly, yet comforting at the same time, around the trembling brunette.

"I was going to be an uncle. S-she always wanted kids, and Alec was ecstatic. They were going to h-have a family after m-months of trying. And I...I t-t-took that away from them, from her and Alec. I didn't kill two people that night, J-Jett. I killed two, my s-sister...and my little niece. My Mercedes and my l-little Jamie. She was going to n-name her Jamie, f-for me. She was going to do s-s-so much and I killed her! I killed her and Jamie, Jett! I'm a mercenary, but deep down to me it's just another way to call me a m-m-murderer! I'm a murderer: a heartless, cruel, cold murderer!" James soon broke down completely, sobbing into Jett's chest. Said blonde sighed, feeling tears burn behind his eyes.

At the beginning he hated James; if it wasn't for him, he'd still be living a life with Dak. A life of alias and other identities, but still a life with Dak. If it wasn't for Griffin feeling his favorite mercenary might go rogue, he wouldn't be back in this killing gig.

But over the short time they've spent together, Jett came to love James. Not the love like what he had for Dak, but more like a brother. Both knew what it was like to mercenaries, forced mercenaries at that, and have to hide another life for fear of being killed themselves or the people they love. Both have had to lie over and over, and take so many lives that have haunted them for so long; Jett can't remember the last time he slept peacefully, if he ever had at all.

He and James were not so different; different lives and families sure, but the mercenary secret was threatening to take over them. In the physical, but also emotional and psychological terms.

Jett has realized just how much he was enjoying murdering people; even though he was good at heart and knew it was wrong...something inside him loved killing. And something inside James loved killing too, as much as they both wished to deny it.

Sooner or later, they won't be able to stop. It will be too wired in them to want to give up, willingly or not.

And sooner or later, they will completely forget who they are; not mercenaries but two trouble young men, forced into a life they didn't want.

"I don't want this anymore, w-we need to break out, escape whatever but I don't want and can't do this anymore, Jett. I can't, not if it means hurting others and l-losing the love of my life..." James whispered, Jett's facial expression going hard; he stroked James' hair softly, fondly though.

"And that's what we're going to do, James. I promise, we'll break out of this; I have a plan, and I'm going make fucking sure that it works. We'll be free of this hell-hole and Griffin once and for all, I promise you."

**_-Page Break-_**

"So you're saying that you think Griffin is beating James? Seriously?" Katie asked her big brother, her voice a mixture of shock and disbelief.

Kendall went straight home after witnessing the horrible bruises and scars on James' back. He at first had no idea who to confide to about it; he thought Logan and Carlos were good candidates, but remembered Carlos' protective streak. No doubt his normally sweet, friendly Hispanic friend would go King Kong on Griffin's ass at learning the terrible secret. As for Logan, he'd go all doctor mode about James' injuries and then go King Kong (though too dangerous of a King Kong like his boyfriend) on Griffin's ass.

So that marked Carlos and Logan off Kendall's list of possible candidates.

He for sure as hell couldn't tell his mother; Jen was loving, sweet and smart sure but had an extreme mama bear side to her. No doubt she'd go over to Brooke's house, get her and James out, check James into a hospital to get cared for, drown him with love and affection before getting down and dirty on Griffin. Jen Knight made one thing clear, above everything else: no one, and Kendall knew she meant NO ONE AT ALL, touched her babies in any possible, inappropriate way.

Carlos, Logan and James may not be her biological children like Katie and Kendall, but she sure saw and treated them as such.

So the only possible candidate left was Katie. She maybe younger than Kendall, but she was way more mature than kids her own age.

Kendall nodded, pulling out his cell-phone. "I wouldn't talk about my assumption if I didn't have evidence." He said, flipping through his pictures before handing the phone itself to his baby sister; Katie's deep brown eyes were narrowed at first, though grew to the size of dinner plates at taking in the nasty cuts, badly infected gashes, and purplish bruises littering normally clear, smooth dark skin.

'Oh my God...!'

"See, now you see why I think Griffin's abusing him?! James acts weird around him, Griffin gives him these 'jobs' that only he and James know about because I'm sure Brooke has no idea what really goes on, and every time I ask about these 'jobs' James gets defensive and tries to cut me out! Katie, maybe I'm wrong about the abuse but SOMETHING is happening to my fiancee and I don't know what the damn it is!" Normally Kendall would filter his language around his sister, but she could understand the frustration and anger he was feeling she didn't scold him for it.

"Are you sure Brooke doesn't know?"

"I'm positive, Katie. If she did have a clue, she would have chewed James out for hiding the fact he's getting hurt! She would have chewed him out by now, demanded how he's gotten all these bruises and if Griffin's behind them then she'd kill him! She'd be in jail for murder by now!" Kendall insisted, Katie handing him back his phone. Said girl sighed, rubbing her left temple as if she had a massive migraine.

"Okay okay, calm down big brother! If you really think abuse is the case, then you need to talk to James about this! He's the one with the bruises and cuts, he should know what's going on! Once you do that and if he refuses to talk, then go to Mama D and get the police! If Griffin is doing this, he could be sent to jail for abusing his step-son! James maybe eighteen, but abuse is still abuse!" She said, getting worked up too; James could be a little narcissistic and annoying, but deep down she loved overconfident brunette like another older brother.

At this Kendall sighed. "I know and trust me as soon as I know he's up for today, I'm going over there to talk to him about it. Mom said it's okay I miss one more day of school since it's James, and Carlos and Logan have me covered in classes, but..."

"But what, what is it big brother?"

"Katie...I'm afraid. I'm afraid to learn more, the worst of what's going with James." Kendall began to say, raising from his sister's bed and walking towards the window. He sighed again and looked outside; it was a nice day, no cloud in the big blue sky and it wasn't as cold as it has been these last few weeks.

James loved this kind of weather, sunny but not hot.

Katie eyed her brother worriedly, cautiously. "You mean...you think there's a secret here?"

"Yeah. I mean, I think there's more to this than what I know. And...Katie, I'm afraid to learn more. Or the truth. The truth that...as much as I love James, I'm afraid that this whole time he's been toying with me, that he's been stringing me along while having a secret life on the side."

"Wait, secret life? You don't think...he's cheating on you, do you?" Kendall let out a shaky sigh.

"I-I don't know, Katie. He acts weird sometimes, sometimes he's cold and distant. It's like he's always in pain about something, something that's eating him inside now more than ever. His eyes, nowadays they're hollow and cold and black as coal; they get that way when he's angry or really stressed out and sad. He's becoming so...I don't even know how to explain it! But it's so unlike him and Katie...I'm afraid that...I will see something or hear something that I won't be able to handle. James is a good guy; scratch that, he's amazing. But everyone...e-everyone has a dark side to them, he has one and I'm afraid that if I do see it, if I do see it I'm afraid that I won't be able to handle it. I won't be able to handle it...and just run away, run away from who he could possibly be inside..." Katie's eyes were wide, speechless and numb.

This was the first time, ever, that she has heard Kendall sound so unsure about something.

And it was the first time ever also, that he has sounded so unsure about James.


	9. Chapter 9

Yolo! Forgot this other new chapter, sorry! Heehaw, enjoy! Well, try to since this story is really going downhill in terms of good vs bad... I have a feeling I will get hated for this chapter...**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush! All I own are posters of them, ten total! That's all I own, but I don't own Big Time Rush! I also only own the plot of this story! Enjoy! :)**

* * *

"So, what's this plan you mentioned, Jett?" James asked, he and Lucy and said blonde all huddled up in the Diamonds' living room.

Jett cracked his knuckles, light brown eyes darker than normal. "Okay, Griffin's going to be out for three days starting today right? The three of us are great mercenaries, if I do say so myself; the thing is, however, each of us has that one special skill that Griffin spent years ramming into us."

Lucy (she and James weren't strangers; they were ex-lovers turned brother and sister) looked at the blonde with a raised eyebrow, clearly not catching on. "Mind saying more, Stetson?"

"What I mean is, you're the expert in hacking right?"

"Yeah, your point being...?" Jett smirked.

"Since you're great at hacking and most of Griffin's company security, that including the security found in the secret base in the basement, is electronic-based..." He began, not having to continue when Lucy's eyes glimmered mischievously.

"All I have to do is sent in one of my worms and his programs are fried; it took one of my newest designs to cause that Stephanie girl's acting empire to fall, and it was one of my weakest worms to date. When it comes to hacking and viruses, both creating and sending them, I'm your girl."

"Exactly, Lucy's skills should be able to completely shut down all the security measures he's got, from the firewalls to password confirm blocks. She can also exploit the back doors and control everything from the outside, and leave no trace behind. Even with all that money, he can't possibly hack-proof everything he owns." Jett explained.

"I've been in and out of that base so many times, I practically have a blueprint in my head. Just give me an hour or so and everything will be good to go. No one will be able to tell if the security's been fucked with or not; I'll have bugs and secret cameras set up for our advantage, best to keep the enemy in sight at all times." Jett nodded then turned to James, who remained quiet the whole time to hear everything first and ask questions afterwards.

"James, you are the best in...taking out the trash. You basically throttle your targets; you did a number on Gustavo's body and managed to leave no trace, which is why the only person you killed who has been reported dead on the news was Mercedes. You know how to make someone completely disappear, that's your special skill."

"So you're saying I have to kill him, even when you KNOW I don't want to keep killing." James said with a heavy glare. Jett smiled apologetically, knowing he was putting his best friend/partner on the spot.

"I know and I'm sorry. I know you don't want to keep this up and all, but jail won't hold Griffin forever. With the money and influence he has in this town, he'll be out thanks to bail an hour after he's in custody. We want to make sure we're never tied to this killing gig ever again, and that this doesn't happen to anyone else. We're doing this to protect others, others that Griffin will no doubt turn into mercenaries like us if he's out and free like a butterfly. It's another job, I get it, but everyone in the world will benefit from his death." Lucy agreed with a nod, walking over to place a hand on James' right shoulder.

"Griffin has done so much to us, James; he's threaten your mom, has Dak on his hit list and took Camille away from me, I have no idea where my girlfriend is. He's turned us into monsters, and we have every right to make him pay ten-fold for all the damage he's done. You don't owe him anything, James, but he owes you a lot. Thanks to your dirty work, he's nearly the king of music on this side of the country. He made you kill your sister and niece, he nearly killed you too or did you forget that?"

'Of course I haven't, I just don't like remembering it.' James thought coldly, though he knew Lucy didn't mean to bring up bad memories with hurtful intent.

"Okay, so I make people disappear. Lucy will hack and I will make sure no one would be able to find Griffin's body if they start looking, but what about you?" James asked, eyeing Jett. The blonde smiled.

"I'm the gatherer of intelligence."

"No seriously, what's your special skill?" Lucy asked, that making James grin; Jett shot her an annoyed look but ignored the comment and went on.

"I did some research over the years. Did you guys ever wonder why killing is so...so in our blood, so to say?" Both of them nodded, Jett's eyes suddenly going hard.

"Well, Griffin drugged us with something when we were starting out as beginner mercenaries."

"Wait hold up! What are you talking about, that bastard has never got close to me with a syringe!" Lucy exclaimed, eyes flashing. James nudged her, silently telling her to keep quiet while Jett cleared his throat again and continued.

"We can't remember that he's drugged us."

"Why?" James asked. Jett smiled bitterly.

"Because that's what the drug does. Okay listen: I stole some computer files from Kelly's computer. I transferred them onto a flash drive, remember the day we were training, James? Well while we were on break I snuck into Kelly's office when she was out and started doing a little research. I'll explain more tonight when I have my laptop in hand, when we discuss the final points of our plan, but Griffin had this drug made okay? It's a drug that...increases the more primal, animalistic nature of its test subject."

"English, please?" Lucy asked, though there was terror in her eyes now.

"In other words, it makes us lose our sense of morality. We become killing machines, because the drug tricks our brains into believing we have to kill in order to live."

"Drugs...they can do that?" James asked, hazel-green eyes wide. Jett nodded.

"Yeah, if they're created by chemicals and crap that can affect the brain on that level. Our brains, since we were thirteen, have been poisoned. Griffin's pumped that drug into us so much that that's why we want, no love, to kill. It makes us aggressive, violent, and completely unstable. Long-term exposure, those are the sideffects and..."

"And what? What else?" Lucy coaxed him. Jett sighed.

"In the end...we could die before reaching our late thirties." Lucy nearly fell to her knees and James gripped the nearest table for support.

"What the hell?! The bastard, he gave u-us that knowing it would kill us in the end!?"

"He was planning to get rid of us from the get-go. We'd be useful to him for a while, and then...he'd have the very thing that made us into the money-making criminals he wanted us to be kill us off. He wasn't going to keep us around, probably because he was afraid of the chance that we would get caught and sell him out. Knowing what's he done, he was still willing to kill us too..." James whispered, biting his lower lip to contain his rage.

"I-is there a cure?" Lucy asked. Jett sighed.

"I don't know; that part of the info I got was censored, I guess Griffin didn't want to think of the idea of us surviving and burying him alive with the truth."

"Well that doesn't matter anymore, he's basically killed us already. He turned us into monsters; we're unstable and if pushed so much, can turn a family living room like this one into a massacre scene. We can't worry about that now though, like you said it's too deep in our blood to really take away. What we need to worry about is to make sure our plan doesn't fail, that's the mission right now."

"You don't care if we die?!" Lucy screamed, James turned to glare at her.

"Of course I do, I have a fiancee that I'd die without but what can we do?! Lucy, we can't go to anyone about this without exposing Griffin! And in the end we'll still pay the price, because WE were the ones who killed, not him! He could just easily worm his way out of the situation and pin the whole blame on us! We can't worry about us right now, we have to worry about our loved ones! Once Griffin's gone and they're safe, we can do research about a cure later!"

Lucy saw the pain and worry in James' eyes and dropped the subject almost immediately, sitting down now on one of the couches.

James and her remained silent rest of the meeting, only nodding with a glance at each other when Jett went over the time for their meeting tonight.

Their meeting to finalize their plan to kill Arthur Griffin.

**_-Page Break-_**

"I'm sorry I blew up back there..." James said, he and Jett hanging out on the front steps of his house. Lucy left a while ago, still silent and not speaking to James.

"Don't be, I would have done the same thing. And I'm sure Lucy's sorry too, just that it takes her a while to say so sometimes." Jett said with a light smile; James didn't look so assured, though.

"I know she's worried about Camille and wants nothing more than to see her again, but I just want to leave this behind forever. I don't want to be two people anymore; I just want to be...me, Jett." James said, Jett frowning as he pulled the other into a tight hug.

"Everything will be okay, you'll see. I promise, I'll make sure you'll never be alone in this, ever." James wiped at his eyes and smiled, cupping Jett's face in his free hand.

"Thank you, so much."

"J-James..."

Both boys pulled away to see a teary-eyed Kendall, hands shaking at his sides and mouth slack open.

"Kendall." James choked out, eyes wide.

Kendall felt dizzy, sick to his stomach. It was like someone slipped an ice-cube down his shirt, his head hurting and chest tight as if something was pressing hard into it.

'H-he is cheating on me...'

"I-I...I need to go." Kendall managed to force out through his now falling tears, soon running down the street.

"Kendall wait!"

**_-Page Break-_**

"Kendall stop, stop and listen to me please!" James shouted, grabbing hold of the blonde's left wrist when he caught up to him.

But Kendall hissed and pulled his wrist free, whipping around on his heels to slap James across the face; a bright red mark glowed against the brunette's rich, dark skin, said brunette in shock at this.

'H-he hit me.'

"Listen to what, you declaring your love to Jett? How he promises to you that 'you'll never be alone in this'?! How you t-touched his face, as if he was the most important person in the WORLD to you?! I-I thought you loved me, James!" Kendall shouted, angry face on but on the inside he was sobbing like crazy.

"I DO love you, Kendall! And what declaration of love, I don't love Jett!"

"That's why you've been ditching me, why you're so reluctant to make love to me, why you disappear and EVERY TIME I see you now, you're with him! You got tired of me, is that it? Tired of going out with a kid that you decided to go behind my back and find someone your age, to suit your needs?! You never loved me, did you?!"

"I DO love you, Kendall! What aren't you understanding in that statement?! Jett, h-he's like a brother to me! He's nothing to me like you are, I love you! I love you, I'm marrying you, I asked you to be my husband!" Kendall wasn't buying it, he was too hurt and upset to see reason.

"Then why, why is he the only one who knows your secret? Why can't you talk to me about the fucking damn bruises on your back but with him you can?!" James froze at this.

'H-he saw the bruises and marks...' At the light of recognition in James' eyes, Kendall's tears flowed faster down his thin cheeks.

"You see, I know about them. I found out the hard way, and I can tell that he knows about them. From you, he knows them from you, not because he just saw them by accident. Why James, why can't you talk to me about them, why is there such big a secret between us?" Kendall asked.

James swallowed hard, tears in his eyes now again. 'I wish I could tell you the truth but...'

"I-I can't, Kendall. I can't tell you, anything about the bruises and I can't tell you this secret. I can't, I'm sorry." James choked out, feeling like his heart was being ripped out. Kendall took a deep breath before sighing, wiping his eyes.

"Me too, James. I'm sorry, that I'm not the one you can trust about whatever secret you have. I'm sorry that I can't be the one you can open up to, to open your heart to. Clearly, we're not meant to be together."

'N-no. No, no, no. No! NO!'

"Here, you can have this back." Kendall said, pulling off the silver promise ring from his finger; he handed it to James, but the brunette didn't reach for it, too numb, so he dropped it at his feet, squeezing his eyes shut tight.

"K-Kendall, please...don't d-d-do this."

"Bad things happen for a reason; I'm not the one, for you, at all. You trust Jett, you love him...so go be with him. I won't stand in your way, but promise me that you'll never talk to me again. That you'll leave me alone, just leave me alone and I promise to...to leave you, to stay out of your life. Good-bye, James."

"Kendall! Don't, please!" James reached out and fell to his knees, pleading with tears streaming down his cheeks.

'No, stay strong Kendall.' The dirty blonde thought to himself, pulling his hand free before taking a sprint down the street, tears flying.

James watched him go with wide, watery eyes, rain starting to fall while the fallen promise ring caught the flash of lightening, thunder booming loud and heavy in the broken brunette's ears.

'I-I lost him, forever...'


	10. Chapter 10

Hello. I just finished a big project for my online History class, so forgive me if I sound so dull. Brain tired, I'm half dead. Still, I'm going to write more for 'Is He a Heartbreaker?' because this next chapter reveals...just how bad Kendall's break-up with James has broken James. And...he's not the same anymore. Well onward to the new chapter. Thank you to Kames all the way for reviewing the last two new chapters. I hope this chapter isn't as bad as the last one...**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush. All I own are posters of them, ten total. That's all I own, but I don't own Big Time Rush. I also only own the plot of this story. Enjoy. Sorry that this chapter was short, I'm kind of on a tight schedule today but I might be able to write a longer chapter tomorrow...**

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A whole month went by.

A whole, long and cold month. It was now December.

The world outside was cold, dull, bitter and dead-looking.

Much like how James Diamond has felt inside since his fiancee left him.

Kendall Knight, James' ex-fiancee, looked as bad as the brunette did but tried his best to keep up appearances. He didn't want anyone to see him so destroyed; he didn't want James to see how broken he was from leaving him.

No one knew about the broken-off engagement, except for Lucy, Katie and Jett. Everyone thought James and Kendall were still together, but they were worried about the severe and lasting tension between the two. They had no idea that everything between the two once-lovers was dead.

And no one knew, including Kendall, also that James...was not the same anymore.

He was dead. He no longer held back in killing.

In fact, he took it more seriously now; after all, what was he to do when the person that kept him sane was now out of his life?

Now, the only thing that made some emotion spark alive in him...was, was to kill.

And he did just that; in only two weeks, he murdered twenty-two people. Some were people Griffin had assigned him, but a majority of them had been random stangers on the streets. Some had been men, some women and children. Differences in gender, age, nothing made someone innocent to him. To him, they were all targets.

Each and every one of them.

**_-Page Break-_**

"We have to do something, and fast." Lucy hissed to Jett, too nervous to drink from her water bottle.

They along with James were in the secret base, just finishing up an early morning training session. It was a gloomy Saturday, the first Saturday of December, and despite all the Christmas cheer already in the air, the three were not exactly jolly.

Jett nodded, eyeing the silent (James went mute the day Kendall broke up with him) brunette cleaning his twin katanas slowly, carefully at his locker.

James, James was different.

He was quiet, he hardly ever talked now. He abandoned Jett's plan to take out Griffin, in fact he followed the bastard's orders now more than ever. He's murdered people outside his assigned 'jobs' and didn't give a damn, he almost killed Lucy when she tried to snap him out of his murderous stupor. He showed hostility towards anyone that came near, except his mother Brooke, and kept to himself. He kept his grades up, so he didn't get into trouble at school, but even his teachers (excluding Kelly, who had a faint clue as to what was going on with him) noticed a drastic change in the once overconfident, often self-absorbed yet kind-hearted young man.

It was like he was another person; same face, very different personality.

"I can't believe Kendall breaking up with him left...left him so destroyed." Lucy added, keeping her voice down; she doubted James would easedrop though, he tended to tune everything and everyone out sometimes.

Jett gave the rocker girl a light glare. "Lucy, Kendall was practically the only person keeping James sane. Without him, James has no reason to hold back and step down from his mercenary life. When Kendall left, he took James' heart and good side with him. All that's left now is the killer Griffin made him become, just without limitations. Kendall was the person keeping him from becoming a monster." He said, tone slightly hard.

Lucy wouldn't understand, her girlfriend was missing. She had no idea what James and Jett had on the line, and how badly they would be left broken if they lost their loved ones.

Well if Jett losted his loved one, his Dak. James has already lost the only person that kept him sane, that kept the drug's full effects from posioning his brain.

And the drug's full effects kicked in the day Kendall left...

"James...?" Jett called out, leaving Lucy's side to touch the brunette's left shoulder; the blonde flinched when his fingers were soon painted red.

James rarely cleaned himself of the blood from his victims nowadays...

"What?" Even his voice was wrong; it was robotic, empty and thin.

"James, we need to-"

"Leave me alone. Griffin's calling." James said, the comm. watch on his right wrist blinking.

"But James, I-"

"Shut up!" Lucy nearly screamed when Jett fell to the floor, eyes wide as he clutched a new bright red bruise on his cheek.

James' eyes were pitch black; they've been that way since Kendall left him. "I said to leave me alone." Was all he said in a feral growl before stalking out of the locker, his teammates too stunned to say anything at his back.

**_-Page_**_** Break-**_

"What is it, Master?"

Griffin smiled at the title; James has been using it for a month now, and he knew why.

That hideous blonde man-bitch left his step-son. After waiting for so long, that brat was out of the picture. Well almost.

'Perfect.' He thought briefly before turning his back to the brunette, who was all suited up with a bowed head.

"I have an job for you, boy. A very special job, more important than the petty ones I've sent you on for the last few days." He said, he smirking when James reloaded his guns.

"Really sir, and what makes this job so 'special'?"

"Because you'll be taking out a nuisance I've wanted dead for years now. I couldn't touch him before, but now I can. You will have the honor of killing him, I thought long and hard about this before choosing you for this assignment. Not only are you to kill this one individual but his whole family, I want no trace of them left behind."

"You're asking me to do my job, sir. You know I make people disappear forever, well who's the target and his family?"

"Simple, my boy. You are to take out Kendall Knight and his family." Griffin said.

That alone made a spark of emotion enter James' eyes, though they were much to dark to see if the soft, gentle hazel-green was back for a moment.

Silence followed afterwards, Griffin tapping his foot in annoyance before he heard James let out a laugh, mask above his lips to expose a bloody, evil smirk.

"Oh what fun, sir! Leave it to me, I'll make sure nothing is left of his family and him. In fact, I think I'll pay him a final visit tomorrow night; let him one more good night's sleep before...before it's all over."


	11. Chapter 11

Okay, since I have a lot of homework to get done before final exams this week and half of next, I decided to update again today! Don't worry, the yolo in me is back on track! Heehee, I'm a bit more cheery now that I had a nap, or two! But anyway new chapter, new info! Now it's time to show...how Kendall has coped with the break-up; I'll tell you this, a lot of angst and he may put on a brave face around others, but he's just as broken up inside as James. You know what song helped me with this chapter? 'When You're Gone' by Avril Lavigne, that song says all the emotions! I recommend listening to it while reading this! But anyway, thanks to Kames all the way for reviewing, hope everyone else gives some input! I want to make sure they're enjoying this story as much as you, even with the recent sad chapters! Well enjoy all of the universe! Raven of the Robinsons, out! **Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush! I have the DVDs of their seasons, but that's it! I don't own Big Time Rush, just this AU's plot! Oh, and italics ONLY represent flashbacks and memories!**

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Kendall use to love Saturdays.

About a month ago, James and Kendall would spend Saturdays together. Well, the Saturdays the brunette wasn't busy. They would have sleepovers, either at James' house or his it didn't matter, and just do small yet sweet couple stuff: watch a movie all cuddled up in bed, Kendall sometimes never remembering what movie they watched since James would distract him with kisses to his neck. After a movie they would just talk; not always about their relationship, which like any couple had its ups and downs, but about how the other's day went, if something interesting happened, etc.

Kendall loved the little talks they had. For some reason he always felt like he was getting to know his...ex-fiancee more and more each day. Sure, they've known each other since they were little kids, but it's never a bad idea to just sit down and talk with your lover; communication is one of the key elements to a successful relationship, friendship or intimate.

They would talk about the usual stuff, like parents and teachers, and sometimes they would talk about random things like which moon phase was on that night or if aliens have really been to Earth. Sure the conversations often got silly, which resulted in them kissing until both were out of breath, but Kendall loved those little things.

It made a difference to him, after all the dirty blonde was more sentimental than materialistic.

After the two-hour or so talks they would just lay in bed, all snuggled to each other between the covers, and just stare at the ceiling. A silence followed these moments but not an awkward silence; it was a silence that only they understood, it was as if they were communicating without making a sound.

Kendall loved those moments too, because he could just lay all warm and safe, listening to the soothing drum of James' heart.

And then James would sing to him. James had such a beautiful voice; it was soft and rich like melted dark chocolate, and he would sing all of Kendall's favorite songs to help him fall asleep. His voice has grown over the years, he sounded like an angel and he didn't stop singing until Kendall was snoring softly against him. One time Kendall had insomnia, because of bad dreams, and couldn't get to sleep. James went on singing until three in the morning, when the younger boy was finally dreaming peacefully the remainder of the night.

Kendall had felt terrible for keeping his boyfriend up so late, especially since James had trouble sleeping on a regular basis, but he remembered what the brunette did when he tried to apologize: gave him a light glare, waved off the apology and kissed him softly, slowly.

_"Don't apologize, dork. You know for you, I would do anything."_

'Stop it, just stop it Kendall! You're just torturing yourself by thinking about him, it's been a month why are you still hooked on him?!' Kendall scolded himself, hands running through his messy, tangled hair in frustration.

He was home alone right now; his mom Jen was out on an errand and Katie was over at a friend's house. There was a high chance he'd spent this weekend alone, too. Carlos was sick, Logan out of town for some big science competition, Katie probably will sleepover said friend's house and his mom had the night shift at her job this weekend since a co-worker was in the hospital from a broken leg.

All weekend alone. He'd surely lose his mind.

Kendall has been a mess for the last month. After breaking up with James, the shorter boy completely broken down inside. He still smiled, though it was forced; he still laughed, yet it was bland and fake; he still wore his favorite plaid button-ups and plain t-shirts, but slept in James' old lucky V-neck and pajama bottoms at night, clothes the pretty boy left one day at Kendall's and never bothered to get back. He always remembered that Kendall loved sleeping in his clothes, because his sweet cinnamon scent (when not overpowered with Cuda Man products) was always heavy in his clothes, even when he hasn't worn them in a while. Kendall, with an embarrassed blush, admitted he liked sleeping in his lover's clothes, also wearing them out in public, and so James left his V-neck (his one and only) and pajama bottoms (black with purple strips) to Kendall.

Every time Kendall tried to return them, James would roll his eyes and kiss the blonde's forehead.

_"Stop it, okay Emerald? You are my boyfriend, if you like wearing my clothes then go ahead. You act like it bothers me, but it does not. I love you, besides I think you look...very appealing in my shirts and jeans. Especially what you wear to bed."_

_"James!" Kendall exclaimed in __embarrassment at his boyfriend's suddenly husky tone, and at the seductive wink the older boy threw at him a second later. James scoffed and wrapped his arms around the dirty blonde, whose bright green eyes shined when James kissed his lips softly, gently._

_"Please, you cannot deny how attractive you are, beloved. In fact, it takes so much self-control not to just ravish you senseless..." Despite the obvious longing in the other's voice, James' eyes only held genuine love and care; it was clear from his gestures too, from the gentle, tender way he held Kendall by the waist, and how he would smile from just saying Kendall's name._

_"I-I love you, James." Kendall whispered, heart pounding hard in his chest when James stroked his face, tracing the soft curves of Kendall's high cheekbones._

_"I love you too, Kendall."_

"Get the HELL out of my head!" Kendall soon screamed into his pillow, trying to hold back, and failing, the hot and boiling tears building in his eyes.

He's spent the whole morning in bed. He only got up to take a shower, ignoring his growling stomach, only to change into James' V-neck and pajama bottoms and bury himself under the covers. He didn't want anyone to come see him; he locked his bedroom door shut. He didn't want to see the gloomy day outside; he closed the window and drew the curtains. He didn't want to hear anything; he pulled out an old CD player with large headphones, pulled the headphones and yanked them over his ears. He didn't want the cold air to touch him; he basically mummified himself in his blankets and sheets, a beanie over his still wet dirty blonde hair.

"J-just leave me alone. You're gone, you're with the person you REALLY love, now just leave me alone! Why can't I-I-I forget about y-you?! DAMN IT!"

The waterworks were back.

With a yell Kendall untangled himself from his cocoon and threw everything, the blankets and pillows, to the floor; he curled up on his now bare bed, shoulders trembling violently while he cried into his knees.

He hasn't felt this way since his dad's death.

His dad...

_"Kendall! Kendall, please wake up! KENDALL!" Said boy, only eleven, struggled to see who was screaming his name._

_He felt numb, pale. Faintly he could see a tall shadow, with brown hair clutching a bloody rag._

_"J-James...?" Said brunette sighed in relief, tears sparkling in his red-rimmed hazel-green eyes._

_"Kendall, why did y-you do this?! Just hold on, I'm going to h-hold down the fort until the ambulance gets here! You're going to be okay, Kenny, I p-promise!" The bloody rag Kendall felt James press to his throat; right, now Kendall remembered that he was so depressed about his dad's death, he tried to...kill himself. He had sliced across his throat, too deep on the first try._

_Then the rest, was all a blur._

_"J-Jamie, I'm sorry."_

_"Kendall, stop talking. J-just stop talking and hold my hand. I'm going to slow down the b-bleeding as much as I can, but hold on okay? Don't give up, K-Kenny. You can't leave me..."_

'James saved me that day, when I was so willing to just die.' Kendall thought, the details of that memory coming back: being in a hospital for two weeks, his mom and sister crazy with worry, Carlos and Logan coming in every day and James, James never leaving his side.

Never leaving his side; James had put everything on hold for him, because he didn't like being apart from Kendall for too long. And in the condition Kendall was at the time, the brunette even slept on a cot in his hospital room, just so he could be the first one to tell Kendall good morning and good night.

He made sure not one single night Kendall spent in hospital he spent alone; he was always there, laying in bed with him when the blonde asked him to, to hold him close through the night and keep him company as much as possible.

Nothing could drive them apart...

'No, I said stop!'

Kendall's cell-phone flew across the room; it smashed his closet mirror, the door he left ajar, and showered the carpet floor with fine, glass shards.

Kendall sighed; now he'd have to explain that to his mom when she got back...

The mirror.

Kendall shakily rose from bed and crossed over to now broken mirror, seeing a flash of red in one of the shards. Being careful he picked it up and soon saw what was being reflected: the roses James got him a long time ago, thirteen roses.

The number thirteen was lucky to James; he got his V-neck on the thirteen of September, his birth month, and his first date with Kendall had been on December thirteenth, which was now not too far off on the calender. It only made sense, at least to James, to get his lover thirteen roses.

All of them were dead now, black and withered and old. Except for one, one rose was bright red and beautiful among all the dead and ugly.

_"My love will last as long as these roses live, and Emerald, one of them is fake. If that rose does not die, then what does that mean?" James asked, smirking._

_Kendall blushed a bright red as he put the roses into a vase of fresh water, smiling though when he sat down in the other's lap and snuggled close to him._

_"If one rose doesn't die, then that means you'll love me forever." The blonde replied, that making James' smirk soften to a smile as he kissed Kendall behind the right ear._

_"Yes, and it is true you know: I will love you, I will always love you; I will love you forever, Kendall."_

Having to see James walk away every day for the last month, with a stoic face and black eyes, it broke Kendall every time.

Having to walk home and be alone for hours on end, without his best friend, it choked Kendall.

Having to lay in his bed, alone at night without a musical voice at his ear and warm, strong arms protecting him from nightmares, it make Kendall experience a cold sweat.

Having to go about day after day without hearing those three small yet special words, it made Kendall want to cry.

And having to cry alone, without him to wipe away the tears and hold him tight, it made Kendall feel as if he was drowning.

'T-that face, those eyes, that smile...'

_Kendall couldn't help but smile at seeing James sleeping peacefully at his side, head in his lap._

_His best friend never left him, even when their moms told him to at least sleep in a more comfortable bed._

_"No I'm not leaving Kenny, even if I have to camp out here I'll do it if it means keeping him company!" Kendall remembered James saying to his mom Brooke after she tried to insist yet again that her son sleep in his bed at night and stay with Kendall during the day._

_Normally you don't tell Brooke Diamond that N-word, but she lost this battle to James easily._

_"Jamie, Jamie wake up." Kendall whispered softly, shaking his friend until his beautiful hazel-green eyes fluttered open; said brunette let out a yawn and stretched his arms over his head, getting up from Kendall's lap._

_"Ugh, great I have a crick in my neck now." Kendall chuckled._

_"That's what you get for sleeping sitting up with your head down." James stuck out his tongue at this._

_"Well excuse me for wanting to be by your side all the time, sheesh so demanding are you not?"_

_"Well I can be, but you know...I'm glad you're always here with me." Kendall admitted with a light blush to his cheeks; James smiled softly though and cupped Kendall's chin, bringing their faces together, so close that their noses brushed._

_"And I'm always glad I get to see you every day, Kenny."_

'And the first time we kissed, before confessing our feelings.' Kendall thought, lost in the memories as he fell to his knees, tears streaming down his cheeks as he held the plastic rose close to his chest.

_It had been a light brush of the lips; it had been so faint, Kendall could have sworn it had been a dream._

_But there they were, James on top of him from a trip, Kendall under him with their lips now an inch apart, eyes wide and faces flushed red from...the kiss._

_It had been an accident; James tripped over Kendall's hockey gear on the way up to his room, they fell on his bed in a heap, and next thing they knew when they opened their eyes was that their lips were pressed tightly together._

_It had been an accident, but it had been an accident that had Kendall with butterflies in his stomach and his heart racing like a jackrabbit's._

_"I-I..." James was at a loss for words; how he could explain all was just an accident, and he didn't REALLY plan to trip and steal a kiss from Kendall?_

_He knew it was wrong, he was like four years older than Kendall for the love of God! That was too much of a taboo, too much of an age difference!_

_But a kiss, he now had a kiss from Kendall Knight, his best friend since forever._

_The kiss, it wasn't James' first kiss but it was Kendall's. Kendall's first kiss had been with his best friend, the person he developed feelings for when he eleven but really didn't figure them out until months later._

_Sure he was still a kid, James too despite being about four years older (Kendall eleven, James fifteen) but...but he knew that he had fallen in love with his best friend. He could just feel it; kid or not, there was nothing else he could put to explain how he felt for the brunette._

_"I-I'm sorry!" James began, but Kendall shook his head, blonde hair (it was a little longer when he was a kid) flying about his face as he smiled._

_That smile said it all._

'Oh God what have I've done?!' Horrified realization began to flood Kendall from the inside, he leaning against his chest of drawers as he curled up into a ball under the window. He began shaking violently once more, a heavy pang going off in his chest.

_"Kendall, you're the one person in the world that keeps me on the edge, sane. I'd lose my mind without you!"_

'No...'

_"You're not just beautiful, Emerald! You're sweet, loving, kind, smart, talented, may I go on? I wish I could find the right word to describe just how perfect you really are, because I can't believe you can't see it for yourself!"_

'James...'

_"Don't you dare listen to those jerks, Kenny Rabbit. So you're a little younger than me, Emerald if I wanted to leave you I would have left by now. But I don't want to, I love you; age is but a number, but as long as the love is sincere, then what people say can't hurt us. I love you, don't ever doubt or forget that..."_

"Oh God..."

_"I know I am narcissistic; I know I can be difficult, and sometimes when I'm upset I cross the line protecting you from whoever tries to hurt you; with my fucked up past, I know I can get all dark and angry and cold; I know before I pretended to be okay alone, but all of that has been a lie."_

'A lie...a few he's admitted to...'

_"But I've lied about all of those things, Kendall. I can be narcissistic at times, but you always bring me back down to Earth in the end. I know I'm complicated, I mean who isn't right, but I know I have issues and a temper but you calm me down before the volcano can even boil to a point. I know I've let my past seriously mark me, but your eyes and smile remind me that there's always tomorrow, a better day than yesterday. I acted like being alone didn't mean a damn to me, but no. Without you, Kendall...I'd be lost, I wouldn't know where to go."_

'No matter how hard he tried to hide it, his heart was always there to be seen.'

_"Our relationship hasn't been easy: we've had our fights, people giving us looks, all that crap but we survived it all. All relationships have their ups and downs, but all has been worth it. Kendall, I could never leave you, no matter how hard I tried to push you away at first and no matter what I said. You know me, you're the only one on this planet that knows me. You know me inside and out, sometimes better than I know myself. And...and I've come to realize that you're the one person I would die without; I wouldn't be able to live without you, no matter what. I need you, to live, to love and to be happy."_

'The only person, the only thing period, he would d-die without...'

_"And so here I am, asking with my heart out for you...if you will do me the honor of accepting me as your husband. Kendall Donald Knight, though we will wait as long as you want...will you, will you m-marry me?"_

'Oh God, J-James!'

"What have I done?" Kendall choked out, a hand over his mouth as a sharp gasp left him.

'What the HELL did I do to J-James?! Oh God, NO!'

**_-Page Break-_**

James was in his bed, on his back. The blood from training was now dry and a dark red, a large blemish to his perfect skin.

His suit was on the floor, along with his weapons. He was almost naked, dressed in just dark blue boxers. His forehead matted down with sweat, tears tracks glistening against his cheeks. His chest was rising and falling but slowly, as if he was asleep with his eyes open.

'K-Kendall...please save me.'


	12. Chapter 12

Okay, I'm going to post this chapter up real quick then take a three-hour nap. Sorry folks, but dorm rooms are drafty. It was so cold I had to wear a jacket to bed, but I still couldn't sleep. I'm beyond tired and need to rest, so before I do...ta-da! Big chapter here, because a lot comes out! This is for my sister Shani and my friend Kames all the way, thank you so much for giving all your positive critique and input! I appreciate it so much! Wow, I have so much energy for someone who's about to fall dead asleep. Oh well, on to the new chapter! **Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush! I just put up a new wallpaper for my phone of them, but no way I own Big Time Rush! I just own the plot of this story! Enjoy, people of the universe! Some flashback in this at the beginning here, all in italics!**

* * *

The next morning Kendall was out the door as soon as he was all showered and dressed.**  
**

He had to talk to Jett. The brown-eyed blonde knew the truth, everything behind all this chaos. Sure he felt bad for accusing him of being James' other lover, but he knew that if he wanted to get back together with James and find out what has made him so cold he would have to face his mistake. He would have to put aside his often annoying pride, put it all aside for the truth; he owed James this, because it took Kendall a whole MONTH to realize he made a mistake.

James did not cheat on him. James has shown him through the years time and time again he loved him, he was the one who ruined everything not the brunette. Whatever secret he had, the reason he hid it was to protect Kendall, this the dirty blonde was sure of.

To most people James seemed selfish but to those closest to him knew that he was willing to risk it all, even his own well-being to put those he loved before himself. And Kendall had a feeling that is exactly what he did, put himself on the line to protect his ex-fiancee.

James could be obnoxious sometimes, but the words he said to Kendall were no lies.

_"For you, I would do anything. You know me better than I know myself and I love you, Kendall. Without you...my whole life is meaningless."_

'I shouldn't have left him! Now whatever's haunting him can take him over! H-he could turn cold and distant permanently.' Kendall thought with a shiver, heart pounding.

He couldn't let that happen, period.

So he had to talk to Jett. Now.

**_-Page Break-_**

Kendall first tried the Diamond household; Jett lived with James and his parents, something about a change in hotel plans of the sort. He's been living with them since he arrived; he was like part of the family now, went to the same school and everything. It didn't look like he was going back to Cali anytime soon, and he seemed really attached to James now and vice-versa.

James and Jett were close, like brothers...

The house was empty; after a few knocks Kendall reached this conclusion.

Brooke was probably out at work, Griffin too. James, Kendall had no idea where he could be right now, and Jett usually was with him so he had to try somewhere else.

Or maybe not.

"Kendall?" Said blonde turned to see Jett with a bag of groceries in one hand, his free hand laced with another guy, a guy who wasn't James.

He was tall, about the same height as Jett himself, but maybe a year or two older. He had a runner's built, with lightly tanned skin and spiky brown hair, eyes more golden than dark green in certain lights. He was dressed in a pair of jeans and a sweater like Jett, just that his was blue while Jett's red.

'T-that must be his...!'

"Kendall, what are you doing here?" Jett didn't sound rude, just plain confused. Why would the blonde be here? He and James' relationship has been off for a month now; he couldn't think of a reason as to why the shorter boy was here at James' house.

Kendall's eyes darted between Jett and his brown-haired companion before he took a deep breath, a pleading expression on his abnormally pale face. "J-Jett, we need to talk please. It's about James; I-I didn't mean to end our relationship, I was just upset and confused and hurt b-but I regret it now! I know can't turn back time and fix everything but please, please help me! I need to save James, I know you've seen how he's been lately, he's not the same! Something is really wrong with him, and I-I still love him! I still love him and want to help him but please, you have to tell me what's really going on! P-please, I'm begging you..." He choked out, tears close to streaming down his cheeks.

Jett looked at Kendall blankly for a few minutes then turned to the other man, sighing with a sad smile.

"Well it's a good thing I haven't told you yet, huh? Now, both of you...can learn the truth. Let's get inside though, we don't want anyone overhearing us and I have to make a call real quick..."

**_-Page Break-_**

Once Jett called Lucy and she came over, he had Dak and Kendall take seats in the living room. He gave them each a glass of water, sighed to prepare himself, then started from the beginning.

He told them everything, with Lucy adding in some details from time to time.

He told them about when he, Lucy and James were thirteen that Griffin began experimenting on them. He told them about how he had some powerful wonder drug made, the wonder drug he talked about to Lucy and James a month ago, and how that started changing them. He told them about how the drug made them more violent, animalistic even, and how Griffin used them, began training them to become mercenaries. He told them about how Griffin threatened them to keep their other lives a secret, or he'd have everyone they love killed (that making Dak and Kendall gasp) and frame them for the murders. He told them about how each and every kill ate at the three, how it completely scarred them to the core. He told Kendall about how traumatized James was deep down and why he always had to listen to Griffin, do his 'jobs' or risk his mom's safety. He told Dak why he had to be disguised for so long, only to be found by Griffin once again and roped back to the secret he wanted to bury forever. He told both Dak and Kendall about Camille, Lucy's missing girlfriend, and how Griffin's had her MIA for years now that Lucy wasn't sure if she was still alive.

Jett told them about Gustavo's death and Mercedes, how the sick bastard that was James' step-father forced him to kill his own sister and unborn niece. He told them about how Lucy, James and him had to pretend they didn't know each other, so not to arose suspicion in public. He told them about how Griffin planned for Jett to become a wedge between James and Kendall, to have the younger boy doubt the brunette enough to leave him. He told them about how James, with Kendall gone, has went off the edge and became Griffin's pet, following every sick order without a word back.

Jett went into full detail about James' lack of sanity, since Kendall begged to know everything.

He told him how James completely lost himself. He had nothing to hold him back from killing; the one person who could have saved him left him and so he took it out on anyone who was doomed the moment they crossed paths. He told Kendall about James probably suffering from Multiple Personality Disorder now, thanks to the drug usage over the years and his own guilt eating away at him. It was like he was two completely different people in one body: one person that loves and another that kills.

He went into more detail until Kendall nodded, silently saying he heard enough and understood it all.

The guilt-ridden expression crossing the younger boy's face now nearly brought Jett to tears, Lucy too.

Their secret was out now, it wasn't so secret anymore...

**_-Page Break-_**

"So you hate me now, don't you?" Jett asked, he and Dak in the kitchen while Lucy talked to Kendall in the living room.

The blonde was looking down, shoulders shaking as tears finally left him.

Now Dak was going to leave him; he knew just how sick, disgusting and monstrous his boyfriend of seven years really is. Now he was going to leave him forever, forget about him or call the police to have him arrested. Arrested or sent to a mental asylum.

A fist connecting with the kitchen counter made Jett jump, his light brown eyes meeting Dak's wet golden-green ones.

'W-wait, why is he crying?'

"Why the hell are you asking me that?! You think I'm leaving you, you think I'm going to let that bastard get away with hurting the love of my life!" Dak demanded, looking torn between breaking down and losing his temper.

"Love of your l-life?" Jett choked out, suddenly feeling dizzy; Dak's eyes soften as he was quick to catch Jett before he fell, arms tight around the blonde's waist. He sighed, reaching to caress Jett's face with one hand.

"What, y-you think I don't love you anymore? Jett, you were forced! This isn't your fault, you're not a monster! Griffin took advantage of you, of you and Lucy and James. You three are v-victims, not the criminals here! He forced you, he knew you wouldn't r-risk me so you did it, you killed a lot of innocent people but it's NOT your fault, Jett! You're still the one I love, my husband and my best friend!

Jett began to shake his head, unable to believe what he was hearing, but Dak cupped his chin so their eyes met again. Dak's golden-green eyes were smoldering, burning with intense emotion.

"Believe me, I still love you. You're the only one I think about, you're my whole life! Jett, I don't c-care what you've done, you're not to blame! You d-did it to protect me and I'll make damn sure the prick pays, he'll pay! He'll pay for taking your childhood away, for hurting you AND me! I promise but don't think I've stopped loving you!

Dak shortened the distance between them, lips inches apart.

"I love you, Jett Stetson and nothing will change that." Jett gave him a watery smile as their lips met in a passionate yet gentle kiss, he gripping at Dak's soft brown hair with both pale, trembling fists.

**_-Page Break-_**

"I-I can't believe I left him like that. He never cheated, he was just p-protecting me from Griffin." Kendall choked out, tugging at his hair and sobbing into his knees.

Lucy frowned and sat down beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "Stop blaming yourself, James...James only cared about what was best for you, and he wanted to tell you but me and Jett convinced him not to. It's our fault, not yours or his." She began but Kendall shook his head.

"No L-Lucy, it IS my fault. I doubted him, I made him believe that I...I thought him capable of cheating. He loved me, so much and I took it for granted. And now, Griffin can use him as a puppet and I have do something fast or James could possibly lose his life...!" Lucy sighed.

"Well we're on a blank on that, Kendall. Griffin has made sure that me and Jett don't get a clue to the latest job he has for James tonight. I can tell you something though, it's not something sitting well with James. He looks really torn...as if he's fighting with himself. He's torn on taking the job or not." She said, sighing sadly again when Kendall began sobbing harder.

She held him tight in a hug, stroking the younger boy's hair to calm him down but deep down, she knew he wouldn't calm down until he knew James was safe.

If he was safe, and sane.

**_-Page Break-_**

"N-no, stop! No stop, stop i-it!" James begged, flinching when the syringe entered his arm.

"Stop fighting it, boy. Like it or not, you're killing the Knight brat tonight." Griffin growled, the misty white liquid half way through the brunette's skin.

James tried to fight back, but the restraints only dug more into his wrists. A lone tear left his eye before the drug fully kicked in; a feral growl left him, teeth clenched as his pupils dilated.

"AH!"

"That's it, such a good boy."


	13. Chapter 13

Yolo! Sorry I can't really say much, exams start Friday! I will still update but not say much and chapters will but a little shorter than normal! But thank you to everyone for all the support, enjoy this new chapter! I love you all, thank you and this is for you! **Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush! At all, I don't own them! I just own the plot of the story!**

* * *

James strapped on his twin katanas. He pulled on his skull mask and belt, made sure his handguns and shotgun were loaded. He pulled on his gloves and made sure the small daggers Griffin gave him were hidden all nice away in his shoes, the steel-proof mesh under the suit brushing hard against his smooth, dark skin.

He put his handguns away to their holsters and strapped his shotgun over one shoulder, looking down at his gloved hands before meeting the full-body mirror, the only clear thing apart from him in the room.

'So, this is what I've become...' He thought numbly, a shadowy figure appearing behind him yet he didn't turn away from the mirror.

"You ready?" It was a young woman's voice; as she got closer the dim, bare light bulb over their heads revealed more of her: tall and slender, with long dark brown hair, pale skin and deep, dark brown almost black eyes.

Camille.

She was dressed in her mercenary suit too, weapons ready at her back. Griffin, since he gave James mostly guns and Jett mostly blades, gave her a combination of both: she had a small missile launcher strapped to one hip, followed by a long sword with a few grenades hanging from her utility belt.

James smirked under his mask, making sure the small poison bottle inside one of his scabbards was undisturbed before turning to her for the first time. "Master thinks I need help?"

"Not too much, you just distract the brat while I knock him out. Then the rest is up to you." Camille said, eyes blank and cold before they disappeared under her mask.

Her mask was bare of decoration, all black, but the slanted eye holes had sloppy, dark red dripping from them; that was dried blood, blood that was now part of the mask.

"I see. Good, I get to train a rookie while out on the field."

"Yep, Griffin's given me a few pointers but this is my first real 'job'. The first time he's let me out, too..." Camille added that last part in a whisper, yet James heard and barely contained a flinch.

'He thinks you're ready now, in case he needs you to kill Lucy and Jett...and me.' James thought before shaking his head to clear all those weak thoughts.

"Well, first things first we need to set up our trap."

**_-Page Break-_**

"If only we knew who James' target was, then we could offer them protection." Jett said, though Lucy frowned.

"But if we made that too obvious, Griffin can always just change James' target and turn the tables on us." She pointed out.

The two were in their suits, Dak and Kendall unable to not cringe at seeing them in their...other personas.

Jett's suit was all black, with a large red X design over the upper chest and back areas. His mask was all black with only one eye visible, that eye with a large red slash over it like a scar. He had on a black belt which held all his hand-held weapons, gloves on with the blades protruding. Unlike Lucy he had on a cape, black on top with a red belly, tattered at the ends. He wasn't as quick on his feet as James so the cape helped with balance and speed, and was easily removable in tight situations. His boots reached his knees and there was dried blood everywhere on him, from his hands to his neck, legs and back.

Lucy's suit was a dark gray, no fancy design on hers yet there was dried blood everywhere on her too. Her mask was gray but had no face or eye holes, so she could bend in anywhere. Her belt was less bulky but had many secret smoke bombs and grenades. She had no other weapons, she was more of a hand-to-hand (bare hand) fighter, relied mostly on her own strength and flexibility to take out her targets. She had bullet-proof mesh as part of her suit like Jett's, boots up to her knees as well.

So Jett's suit was black, Lucy's was gray and James' dark red.

What a disturbing dress code...

"I wish we could help." Dak whispered to Kendall, obviously upset. He and the dirty blonde offered to try and trap James with the two but Jett hotly declined the second the idea left his lover's lips.

The two mercenaries didn't want to risk their safety, and also they would just get in the way. They weren't trained to handle a crisis like this like Jett and Lucy were.

Kendall nodded weakly in return, unable to keep calm.

Somewhere in this little town, James was getting ready to kill an innocent person. He was following Griffin's sick orders to murder someone tonight, and they had no idea who the bastard wanted dead now.

'If I had never left him, he wouldn't have completely surrendered to Griffin.' Kendall thought sadly, feeling like he couldn't breathe. He was so tense he nearly jumped when he felt his cell-phone vibrate in his pocket, he carefully to catch Dak's attention as he undid the lock and checked who texted him.

When he saw the message and who it was from, a mixture of fear and glee flooded the dirty blonde to the core.

**Beloved, it is me.**

**Listen I know you said it was over between us, and you returned your ring but please we must talk. I will tell you everything, my secret, if you give me the chance to say my side of the story. Please Kendall, I love you. I have not stopped loving you even when we have been apart for so long. I would not blame you if you have...m-moved on, but please my conscious will not let me live. I am sorry for everything, please come see me. Come to your house, I will be waiting for you in your room. That is, if you will give me the chance. I promise this will be the last time we ever talk, but please give me the chance to set things right. Please, I still love you...**

**-Prince Jamie.**

'This could be a trap...' Kendall thought, not letting his emotions take caution to the wind.

But it was James, he could feel it. James sent him this, he wanted to face him after so long.

And if this was the only way to try and save James then...

Being careful ad silent as a mime, Kendall grabbed his jacket and left the Diamond household, Jett and Lucy not noticing a thing, Dak didn't either.

**_-Page Break-_**

It wasn't weird to Kendall that James chose to meet him in his room; the brunette had a house key, Jen gave him (along with Carlos and Logan) a copy in case of emergencies.

And James has used it many times before, especially when Kendall called him in the middle of the night, after a nightmare that left him in a cold sweat. Climbing up the side of the house and sneaking into Kendall's bedroom via window wasn't hard for the brunette either.

Still, there was an eerie silence in the house when Kendall arrived.

He kept quiet as he headed to his room, adrenaline making his heart pound prints against his rib-cage, breathing uneven. The only sound apart from his breathing was the ticking of the clock in the living room.

"J-James...?" He called, slapping himself for the studder. No answer; he went on until he was at the open door of his bedroom, bright green eyes (that seemed to glow in the dark) going wide at seeing the tall, brown-haired figure sitting on his bed.

"James."

Said brunette looked up from his hands, folded over his lap, and rose from the bed. His face was in shadow, in fact his whole body was; the only thing visible by the streetlight's glow outside was the outline of his brown hair.

"B-beloved...my Emerald..." He said.

Kendall ignored logic at that moment; his heart skipped a beat as he was soon in the other's long, warm and strong arms again.

After so long, the feel of the other's body against his felt familiar, like he was finally home.

"J-James...!"

"Oh Emerald, my Emerald I have missed you..." James whispered in his ear, arms tight around the shorter boy's firm lower back and waist. Kendall's hands gripped the tops of James' shoulders, tears spilling from his eyes.

"Oh James, J-James..."

"It is so nice to see you again, especially since...tonight is your last night alive, beloved." At this Kendall momentarily froze, but soon had the sense to pull away just in time.

James' aim missed at Kendall's dodge and his katanas met the wood of the door; he growled and pulled them free, away in their scabbards he put them only to withdraw his twin handguns from their holsters. He switched on the nearest lamp, all the blood leaving Kendall's face at the sight.

James was in his suit. It was crimson red from top to bottom, though he had splashes of black on his chest like ink. His elbow-length gloves were black too, so were his boots. His mask was that of a skull with no lower jaw and one eye blacked out like with marker. He had twin swords (katanas) strapped to his back, a bulky belt around his waist, with a shotgun over his left shoulder and gun holsters strapped to his outer thighs. He had a cape just like Jett, though it wasn't as tattered and went over his shoulders like a cloak and had a hood, red top with a black belly.

He didn't have his mask on right now, though his face was covered in blood; his hair was soaked in blood was well, the white of his teeth shining against the dark red as he smiled cruelly.

'J-James...'

"Good night, beloved." He said, the last part in a sour tone.

Kendall had no time to react before he was hit at the back of head, the impact enough to render him unconscious. He had blacked out before hitting the floor.

**_-Page Break-_**

"WHERE THE HELL IS KENDALL?!" Lucy screamed at the top of her lungs, both Jett and Dak looking rattled.

"I-I don't know, he was right here beside me a f-few minutes ago!" Dak choked out, as Jett's cell suddenly started vibrating in his belt.

With shaky hands he pulled it out and read the text, though what he read made his skin crawl.

**The target is mine, my friend. Try and stop me.**

**-James.**

"No..."


	14. Chapter 14

Yolo! No classes today because exams start tomorrow so yay! I have only one exam tomorrow so it's okay, I already studied too so...onward! Thank you to Kames all the way and my sister Shani for reviewing the last chapter put up, this is for you and be sure to be ready for anything! Because I will tell you right now, it goes crazy from this point on! Enjoy! **Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush! I just own a few posters, copies of their albums and DVDs of their show seasons, but that's about it! I don't own them, I just own the plot!**

* * *

"What is it, Jett? Why did you say 'No' just now, did you get a text from Kendall?" Lucy asked, she and Dak eyeing the blonde worriedly.

Jett sighed and shook his head. "I-it wasn't from Kendall. It was from James; guys, Kendall's with him." He choked out. Dak let out a sharp breath while Lucy's dark brown almost black eyes went wide.

"That idiot! He went to James WILLINGLY?! We told him to stay put, now he could be in grave danger!" She exclaimed, Dak wrapping an arm around her shoulders to calm her down, turning with a stoic expression towards his husband.

"What do we do now? K-Kendall isn't safe with James, from you two said he won't have any second thoughts about killing him!"

"James texted me saying he has him and to 'Try and stop me'. James is challenging us, the drug doesn't just enhance someone's more animalistic side but also their recklessness. James knows he's outnumbered; he knows it won't be too hard for me and Lucy to take him down, since he's on his own but he's still challenging us. Hmm...we have to split up and search for Kendall, fast." Lucy's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets.

"S-split up, no that's a bad idea! That way he can take us on one-on-one, not to mention we don't have a damn idea as to where he took Kendall!" She pointed out, but Jett smirked.

"I have two ideas: Kendall's house or Griffin's company building, on the roof."

"Why those two places?" Dak asked.

"Simple, James had to lure Kendall to a familiar place. My best guess is that he told Kendall to meet him at his house; from there he knocked him out and took him to Griffin's company building, to the roof. At the top of the roof there is a crane, Griffin's thinking about expanding the place more. A crane is the perfect tool for someone to be held hostage and the perfect tool to use to...drop someone from a height of thirty stories."

Dak and Lucy paled at this. Sure it sounded like a good guess, but...

"Would James really kill Kendall? T-they were fiancees, lovers no best friends for years!" Lucy shuddered as she said this, yet Jett sighed again.

"The drug does that, Lucy. It takes away someone's humanity; it breaks them and breaks them down to the point in which what mattered the most to them is remembered the least."

"Well we can't waste anymore time! Jett, you go to Kendall's house; if your guess is right, you might find some clues left behind! Lucy, you go to Griffin's company building, take a good look around the area especially the roof. Honey, leave me your phone. James might sent another text, I'll keep an eye open for that and if anything comes in, I'll reach Lucy on her phone." Dak said, Jett looking a little scared as he cupped his lover's face.

"Are you sure about this?" Dak smiled.

"This is the only way I can help without worrying you about me being in danger, love. And I know you'll come back, you always do." He said, pressing a quick kiss to Jett's lips.

Said blonde still looked a little uneasy but nodded and handed Dak his cell-phone, he turning to Lucy.

"Come on, we have to stop James from making the biggest mistake of his life."

**_-Page Break-_**

"You REALLY don't want to do this, am I right?" Camille said, sitting crossed and watching James' back.

The two were on the roof of Griffin's company building, James finishing up tying Kendall to the crane. The dirty blonde's hair blew in the weak breeze, legs dangling limply as he hung like a rag doll in the air.

Camille watched James tense up, he turning to her with a glare.

"What do you mean, Cam?" It was a nickname only he had for her; somewhere in the back of his mind, he remembered her.

"Cut the BS, Jay. You don't want to kill him, so why do this? This is all a show to impress Griffin or what?" She snapped, getting to her feet and putting a hand to his shoulder.

James sighed, and for a brief moment she saw his eyes go back to their natural, gentle hazel-green.

Her face softened at seeing the old James back, in such a long time.

"I-it is the only way save my mother; Griffin still has her to get to me..."

"But Kendall is the love of your life, James! He's has no reason to be in this, you two broke up right? Why does Griffin hate him so much?!" James sighed.

"Because Griffin knows that...Kendall was the only person keeping me from becoming this, this ruthless murderer. As long as Kendall is alive, he could come back to me and...I'd stop being the perfect mercenary." Camille cupped James' face between her hands, it killing her to see the guy she considered her brother so torn.

"But you never wanted this, did you? All you wanted was to graduate from high school, go to college to follow your dream then marry Kendall and settle down to have a family with him; that's all you wanted, you never wanted this life though. You never wanted this, James, so why let someone take your life away? Ever since you were thirteen Griffin has dictated your life, but now is the time to make YOUR choice. Not his; you have the power to fix everything, all you have to is listen to what YOU want, not what Griffin wants and expects of you."

"B-but I lied to Kendall all these years...!" James began to protest but Camille gently shushed him, smiling like a mother would for her child.

"If he really loves you like I think he does, he will forgive you. Kendall came back to you, James! He came back to you to save you, I have a feeling that's why he came to you so willingly! D-don't make the same mistake I did with Lucy, James. I-I let her go, so easily because of Griffin. You have the chance to have the life you want, you can still turn this around. It's never too late, it's never too late to protect the one you love. I can see it in your eyes; you love him, James. You love Kendall, more than anything. You love him and yeah you lied, but you did it to protect him! You didn't fucking care if your life was on the line, you did it all for him! That's real love, James: willing to do anything to protect someone, even if it means hurting them along the way." Camille said this all in one breath, pressing their foreheads together when she felt James' shoulders shake. He was close to crying.

"You can do this, James. You can still do the right thing, I know you can." Camille whispered through her teeth, James pulling away to look at the still unconscious Kendall.

His eyes went from their natural, gentle hazel-green to pitch black.

'B-but what IS the right thing to do?'

**_-Page Break-_**

Dak nearly jumped when Jett's cell-phone vibrated, he quick to check the new text; it was from James.

'I know it!' Dak thought with a bit triumph, reading the text quickly to call Lucy.

Yet the text left him boggled. It was like reading a message from a ghost, someone he thought was dead...

**Jett.**

**You and Lucy come to the roof of Griffin's company building, Kendall is here with us.**

**We can still save him AND James, but you have to hurry!**

**-Camille.**

'I-it's her! M-my step-cousin, she's a-alive!'

Dak wasted no more time; his fingers were blurred as he rapidly dialed Lucy's number.

**_-Page Break-_**

"W-what, Dak this better not be a joke!" Lucy said, on James' motorcycle and heading for Griffin's company building; she could see the form of the crane in the dim light of night.

"It was signed from h-h-her? So that means...Griffin kept her as a pet! And now she's working alongside J-James? N-no...!" Tears worked Lucy's eyes, yet she clenched her teeth tight into her lower lip.

"I'm on my way there, I'll call Jett to get his ass on overdrive! Thanks for the info, superstar!" She hung up shortly afterwards only to dial for Jett on her Comm., mind racing.

'I'm coming, babe; hold on 'cause I'm getting you back!'

**_-Page Break-_**

"What is it, Lu?" Jett answered his Comm. after doing a quick sweep of Kendall's house. There was no blood or dead bodies, so James didn't go after Mama Knight and Katie. There was no evidence of a bloody fight in Kendall's room either, so the dirty blonde was still in one piece.

But there were traces of poison, seeped deep into the carpet...

Jett's eyes went wide as Lucy explained everything Jett told her in a fast droll, blood going cold.

"W-WHAT?! I'm on my way, don't confront them on your own! That's an order! Fall back, I'll pick you up and we'll go together, no playing solo hero here!"

**_-Page Break-_**

Kendall blinked his heavy green eyes, vision blurry but after a few blinks all became clear: he was outside, hanging from...

"AHHH!" He screamed as he felt nothing under him, head falling to his chest to see he was hanging over the edge of a thirty-story building; from what he could make it out, it was Griffin's music company building. He was tied to the a large, dark red crane, the moon the only source of the light in the night sky.

Kendall's poor heart threatened to explode out of his chest, breathing uneven.

He wasn't afraid of heights but who wouldn't start hyperventilating at being suspended from this high off the ground?!

"Oh God...!"

"Beloved, you are awake."

Kendall moved his gaze from the small, very small town below to James; he was standing not too far from him, with a girl with dark brown hair and pale skin at his side.

He didn't need to ask who she was; Lucy showed him a picture of her just an hour ago.

'C-Camille!'

"He seems to recognize me." Camille said to James, biting her lower lip. James smirked, brushing her hair back in a soothing fashion.

"I wouldn't be surprised if Lucy caught him up to speed about you. Don't worry though, our job will be over in a few."

"J-James, please stop! You're not a killer, Griffin forced you into it! I-I know e-e-everything, I'm sorry I left you but please stop! This isn't you, I know the REAL you! The real James Dylan Diamond isn't a monster, isn't a killer! He was just used, it isn't his fault he was turned into a mercenary!" Kendall screamed, tears streaming down his cheeks.

James flinched but passed it off as a scoff, eyes hard. It was too dark to see his eyes were hazel-green, though.

"Please, y-you abandoned me. You accused me of cheating! M-my father may have done that, but I never did that to you! I-I swore I would learn from my parents' mistakes, and when I fell in love I would treasure that person forever! You lied to me, you said you would always be there for me and you turned your BACK ON ME!" James shouted that last part, fists clenched tight around his twin handguns.

'J-James...'

"I-I was willing to turn myself in and expose Griffin for y-you, beloved. My Emerald meant everything to me, I was torn between the life I was leading and what I wanted. Y-you were not something I deserved, yet all I thought about was you! I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, as your h-h-husband! But you lied, you never loved me, K-Kendall!"

"THAT'S A LIE, JAMES! I LOVED YOU WITH ALL MY HEART, AND I STILL DO! DON'T FUCKING TELL ME I DON'T, BECAUSE I DO!" Kendall yelled, frustrated and hurt.

"THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I SAID TO YOU THAT DAY; I SAID THAT YOU WERE THE ONLY PERSON I LOVED, BUT YOU DIDN'T BELIEVE ME!" James snapped back, body shaking violently.

Camille pulled at James' arm, trying to get him to calm down. "What are we waiting for?" She asked.

James took in a deep breath, turning to her. "We are waiting for the Master, and for our other...honored guests." He said, pointing above their heads.

Camille turned to follow the direction he was pointing at, a private jet speeding through the clouds. She gasped when she saw who was piloting the jet, heart suddenly pounding hard in her chest.

"CAMILLE!" Lucy shouted, Jett preparing to jump.

"L-Lucy..."

"You know what we have to do." James said to her, replacing his handguns with his shotgun.

Camille swallowed hard, biting her lower lip again before unsheathing her long sword, she and James pulling their masks back over their faces.

"I know: kill everyone that gets in our way."


	15. Chapter 15

Yolo! I'm back! I just got back from my first exam actually, hoping I did decent. That class was my favorite but not my strongest point; of all the essays we did, only one came out perfect the first time. Still, the teacher was nice enough to help me out and I have like a low B, but still hoping my Captain America shirt and overall good mood helped me there! I have two exams on Monday, with a three-hour gap between them so I should be able to update then. I won't be updating Saturday since I'm sleeping over my friends' for the weekend and we're having an early Christmas party since next Wednesday our Christmas break starts! Yay, we college kids don't have to come back until Jan. 13th! Yay, I'm so happy! Anyway, thank you all so much for the support for this story! I can't believe the plot has gotten so much positive input, yet thank you all the same! This chapter is for you guys, thanks for helping this Captain America fan create another interesting BTR fanfic! Okay, onward to the new chapter! A showdown begins, oh yeah! **Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush! I just own posters, all close up pictures of them, but nothing else! I wish I did own Big Time rush, though! Enjoy! Hope this chapter provides smiles and thrills!**

* * *

"James, stop this now!" Jett said, he and Lucy landing gracefully on their feet with their weapons (Jett's bladed gloves and Lucy's bare fists) drawn at the ready.

James and Camille merely smirked at each other from under their masks, weapons drawn at the ready too.

"Finally, we thought the party would have to start without you two." James sneered, shotgun pointed at Jett.

"C-Camille, what is going on?" Lucy asked in a choked gasp, stance not as solid since she could soon be picking a fight with her estranged girlfriend.

'I'm sorry, Lu.'

"That's none of your business now, is it? Me and Jay have a job to do, so you two either help out or get cut down to size. Your pick!" Camille snarled, gripping the handle of her long sword with both hands.

'N-no, she can't be under the influence of Griffin's drugs, can she?' Lucy thought with horror; the thought that Griffin took her often crazy, yet sweet and loving girlfriend and defiled her the way he did her, Jett and James...

It made Lucy see red, she itching to steal one of Jett's hidden daggers from his belt and find and slit the bastard's throat herself.

"James, we don't have to do this. We're friends, best friends almost l-like brothers! I promised you that you wouldn't have to fight this battle alone, the battle you're struggling with inside! I know you're torn, you're torn between the two different lives you've led all these years and don't know what to do but this isn't the way! Just free Kendall and come to us unarmed, you know me and Lucy won't hurt you! You said you didn't want this life anymore, remember? You said you wanted to be free of Griffin and your mercenary life but that won't happen if you do this! If you kill K-Kendall and then us, you'll just be playing into the prick's hands!" Jett tried to appeal to James' good side, he tried to reach his best friend that he knew was there still deep down.

Somewhere behind the anger and hatred, was the James Dylan Diamond he met and came to love like a brother.

James flinched under his mask, eyes their natural hazel-green as he pushed his mask up until his mouth was exposed.

What was chilling, though, was the cruel smirk on his lips.

"Please, I knew you'd pull this trick. That's why Camille picked us up some insurance."

Camille nodded and went to the controls of the crane, pressing a few buttons. Kendall let out a yelp as he was swung violently to the right, eyes wide in fear that they were about to drop him to his death; he was caught off guard however when Jett let out a blood-curdling scream.

"DAK!" Said raven was hanging from the crane as well, tied opposite of Kendall. He was unconscious, a small stream of blood leaving his lower lip. He was still breathing, but barely; a few blood spots could be found on his torso, more specifically his ribs.

"What the hell did you two do to him?!" Lucy shouted, James (and Camille too, since she pulled her mask up to her lips as well) letting out a bark for a laugh.

"Don't worry, Lu. We just roughed him up a bit, a few bruised ribs and a split lip. Nothing he can't recover from, though tonight me and Cam aren't exactly planning on sparing an innocent catch."

"J-James stop this, Dak is innocent like you said! You said so yourself he's innocent so let him go, just kill me but not him please!" Kendall begged, though said brunette brushed him off.

"Y-you fucking traitor...!" Jett growled, shoulders trembling.

**_-Page Break-_**

"Ah, so cute to see all my kids playing nice!"

Everyone (apart from Dak) turned their attention to the newcomer, a man in a black suit clapping his hands in a mixture of applause and amusement.

He was in his early forties, best guess, with gray-white hair, tanned skin and dark brown eyes that often looked black. He didn't look that strong, had more of a lanky built, but he had to be if he trained James, Jett, Lucy and Camille himself when they were kids. He was smirking, cruelly too, as he went on clapping, never leaving the safe area of the open door that left to the roof though.

'Arthur Griffin.' Kendall thought coldly, normally bright green eyes going a darker olive tone.

Despite the fear rushing through him, he couldn't help but feel an intense, deep hatred for the man.

'H-he's the reason James is like this, all of this is his damn fault!'

"Griffin, what the HELL did to do to my girlfriend?!" Lucy snarled, Jett being the only person holding her back from tearing the bastard to shreds. Griffin held up his hands in the universal sign of surrender, his smirk still in place.

"You act as if I really did anything, Lucy. Have you never stopped to think she's doing this willingly, just like James here?"

"We KNOW you did something, you fucking bastard! Y-you gave James a higher dosage of that crap didn't you, you gave him a higher dosage of the drug and it's completely left him haywire! He's lost all sense of right and wrong and you did on it purpose; you preyed on his vulnerability, you knew how DESTROYED he was with Kendall gone and took advantage of that! You turned him, no you forced him into the very thing he never wanted to be!" Jett screamed, mask off and tears in his eyes.

"And you did something to Camille too! You turned them against us, you prick you damn ruined our family!" Lucy added; yes, she considered James and Jett as much family as Camille. The two of them had been there for her through the bad and even worst of times, and now Griffin has broken that bond and turned one of her brothers against her along with her girlfriend.

He was going to pay dearly, dearly for that.

Griffin shrugged his shoulders and snapped his fingers; James and Camille back-flipped through the air until they stood either side of him, he smugly grinning. "Well well, if you want them back so badly...go ahead and try to take them back! James, Camille! Now!"

"Yes sir." The two echoed before they fixed their masks and drew their weapons again, Camille sticking with her long sword while James went back to his twin handguns, and pounced; James went for Jett, Camille after Lucy.

"Let's fight back, we're going to teach Griffin not to mess with us!" Jett shouted as an order, Lucy nodding as they pulled their masks back in place and dodged the twin attack.

**_-Page Break-_**

"Come on Cami, snap out of it! I know you're in there!" Lucy kept saying over and over as she dodged Camille's slashes, managing to ditch out a leap back when Camille nearly tried to cut through her like glass.

Camille hissed and lashed out again, Lucy catching the blade between her gloved hands; the rocker girl soon twisted her body around so her grip fell over Camille's hands, over the handle of the sword. It wasn't long before the two started having a tug-of-war session, all the while Lucy trying to avoid the high kicks Camille was trying to nail at her chin or stomach.

"Come on it's me, Lucy! Your Lulu, your rocker girl from another world!"

"I know who you are, I just don't care." Camille said in a bored sort of tone, jerking the long sword forward then pulling just as sharply back; Lucy let out a shout as the blade sliced her arm, she trying to stop the flow of blood as Camille recovered her stance.

"Camille, listen to me!"

"I'm tired of hearing you talk, just shut up and fight!" Camille said frustrated as she jumped high into the air, lashing out low with her sword.

'Please, please God help me keep this act up!'

**_-Page Break-_**

"Okay James just drop the act, stop before you make me hurt you!" Jett shouted, having to hop and scramble around like a jackrabbit to avoid the shower of bullets flying everywhere. Jett went for a sprint, James not far behind as he went on shooting, doing a back-flip in the air to turn into a wheel of gun fire and bullets.

"Does this feel like an act to you?!"

"What?!" Jett took in a sharp breath as James landed in front of him, catching him by surprise before James kicked him hard across the jaw. Jett let out a yell, blood leaving his nose since the heel of James' foot also collided there, and he was nearly sent flying a good few feet away, nearly over the edge. He pulled out a dagger and stabbed it into the concrete before he could fall off the roof, cradling his now swollen jaw.

'Fuck, he got a good hit in.' Jett thought before he spat on the ground and forced himself to his feet, breathing heavy yet he smirked to himself.

"I have to admit that was a good hit, but aren't you missing something?" James tilted his head back to see his katanas missing, Jett clutching said twin swords in his red-stained hands; James' attack managed to rip apart some of his suit, leaving miles of pale skin scratched with red lines.

"You want to play dirty, then let's play!" James growled, breaking into a sprint.

"Took you long enough!" Jett snapped back, katanas drawn to their fullest extent as he copied the brunette.

'Hahn, what a show!' Griffin thought as he watched old friends and lovers practically try to kill each other, so focused on the fights that he completely ignored Kendall and Dak.

**_-Page Break-_**

"Ugh, my ribs..."

"D-Dak, you're awake!"

"K-Kendall, where are we?" Dak began saying when his vision cleared; his face went pale and he was about to scream if it wasn't for Kendall cutting him off in the nick of time.

"N-no don't scream, listen! You and me, we're tied to the crane on top of Griffin's music building okay? James and Camille kidnapped us and had us tied up here, this is way they plan to kill us: dropping us from thirty stories!"

"O-oh God..."

"B-but listen we're going to get out of this!" Dak squirmed a little so he could meet Kendall's eyes, looking at the younger boy as if he was insane.

"But how the hell are we suppose to do that?!" He said in a rushed whisper, Kendall taking a deep breath before going on.

"Listen, w-we just need to cut these ropes; once that's done, we hold on and try to move the crane closer to the rooftop by shifting our weight. If we can swing close enough to the controls, we can jump off and land on the roof no problem, but we have to time it just right or we're screwed!"

"You're saying we risk our lives for a CHANCE?!"

"Hey, a life without risks is a life not lived! Look, you trust me or not?!" Kendall asked, annoyed now. He didn't mean to sound so with Dak, but it was either wait around to die or freaking do something to save their skins.

"O-okay, I don't like it but I'm in!"

"Okay, so one of us should wiggle down to the hook and try to use that to cut the ropes! I'll go first, make sure you try to move around and get a good grip when the ropes fall!" Dak gave a shaky nod before Kendall started wiggling around, forcing himself under the tight knots. He kept going and going until he felt his feet touch the hook, angling his body slightly so that the hook's sharp tip met the ropes. He moved up and down, up and down and feeling a little relief when he heard the slicing sounds of the hook cutting the rope.

"O-okay, it's working! Holding on to the crane, Dak?!"

"With my whole damn life, Kendall!" Kendall took that as a sign to keep going, soon feeling his left hand get free.

'Just focus on survival, Kendall! Focus on living and don't look down!'

**_-Page__ Break-_**

"Come on now, kill each other! Don't tell me you're going soft!" Griffin shouted over and over, smiling though when James managed to pin Jett down and Camille had Lucy's hands behind her back, long sword at the curve of her neck.

The vile man began clapping again, approaching James and Camille and their captives, smirking coldly at Lucy and Jett who spat at his feet in response.

"To think, you two actually believed you could get rid of me. Humph, I expected better from my kids."

"Shut up." Jett growled, though he got a kick to the face for it; James flinched under his mask, but kept his foot over Jett's hands and his guns pointed at his head.

"Well, now let's get to the point: James, Camille. Kill these two, they have no use to me now, and then ki-" Griffin began, when his eyes fell on the crane.

'T-that brat!' He thought angrily, teeth clenched hard under his lips.

Kendall had broken free of his restraints and was now helping Dak, feet sloppily balanced on the hook.

'They're trying to get away! Well, not anymore!'

"Give me the sword." He spat to Camille, who trembled.

"B-but sir, then how-"

"Did I studder, you bitch? Give me the sword!"

"Don't call her that!" Lucy growled but Camille did as she was told, tightening her hold on Lucy's wrists.

"W-what are you going to do?!" Jett asked, nervous now. Griffin merely laughed and took aim.

"Just watch." And he threw the sword high and hard in the air.

**_-Page Break-_**

"KENDALL! WATCH OUT!" Dak's warning came too late though.

"AH!" The sword dug painfully into Kendall's right side, not deep enough to kill him but to leave him badly injured. The dirty blonde took in a sharp gasp before he lost his footing, falling from the hook.

"KENDALL!"

**_-Page Break-_**

"NO!" Jett, Griffin, Lucy and Camille turned at James' scream, he letting go of his blonde captive and throwing his weapons down; the guns let out loose shots and everyone scrambled to avoid being hit, though Griffin's eyes went wide as James ran and threw himself over the edge.

"JAMES!"

_**-Page Break-**_

Kendall was screaming. He was falling.

He tried to grab onto something, anything, on the side of the building but his hands were slippery with sweat and easily lost grip.

He tried all he could to slow his fall, but nothing worked.

He was dead; he was going to die. If he didn't die from the wound in his side then he'd die meeting the ground.

He was doing to die.

'Oh God..'

"AH!" He let out a shout when he felt someone wrap an arm around him, it colliding with the wound; he took a sharp breath though when he heard a loud scraping sound, like metal crashing with metal, before his whole body jerked upwards and then fell still.

His feet dangled, the small town going about its business thirty stories below. His wide green eyes read horror but also relief, because he couldn't believe he was alive.

'W-who...?'

He had no time to finish this thought; soon enough the person who saved him tossed him over his shoulder and held him there firmly but gently, before Kendall knew it they broke through glass and toppled inside an empty office, the lights off and door locked for the night. Kendall landed on the desk while his savior flew across the room, back meeting the nearest wall. A choked gasp left his savior before all went quiet, Kendall groaning and forcing himself to sit up.

'Ugh, I'm b-bleeding.' And he was exactly right; the right side of his purple plaid button-up was dark red with blood, the tank top under it shredded to bits. Blood dripped down to soak into his jeans and he felt his chest tightening but thankfully that was only a nasty scratch on him. His savior tried, and managed, to leave him as unscathed as possible.

"W-wait, who?!" Despite the migraine coming along Kendall forced his eyes open to see who saved him, and the sight made his heart both break down the middle yet leap in joy at the same time.

James was limp like a rag doll against the wall, chin to his chest and one arm gripping his side.

"J-James."

As if he heard him, said brunette's eyes flew open almost immediately, his gaze zoning on the bloody, tired-looking blonde.

With a silent sneer James forced himself to stand, pulling a small dagger out from his belt; Kendall couldn't move, the crash in left with him a slightly sprained ankle, and plus he was drained, bleeding from the side.

James made his walk to the desk and and brandished the dagger over his head, eyes wild and expression hostile as he angled his fist to meet Kendall's chest.

He was going to do it; he was going to kill this boy, this boy that hurt him and that...once meant the world to him.

'I'm going to kill him, I-I have to!' James thought, arm slicing through the air while Kendall gasped again but kept his eyes wide open, afraid to close them.

**_-Page Break-_**

"AH!" Everyone heard James scream. The worst thought came to their minds; Kendall was dead...

"NO JAMES!"

'Good boy, you did your job.' Griffin thought, smirking.

**_-Page Break-_**

Kendall blinked, breath caught in his chest.

James trembled and collapsed to his knees, the dagger sliding under the desk. The brunette kept one hand to his side while the other gripped at his face, his right eye peeking between his shaking fingers. Tears shined and streamed from those eyes, those sad yet light eyes, mask off to expose those said eyes.

They weren't pitch black, they weren't black anymore; they were their natural, soft hazel-green. There were no traces of pitch black left in them, it was all gone.

'J-James...'

"I-I...I can't do it."

'Oh G-God, what...what did I almost do? W-what have I done?'


	16. Chapter 16

Yolo my people! Yeah, something happened, something bad, that made me so mad (something rare in me) and so I couldn't stay with my friends. They didn't do anything it, it was a personal problem...yeah still mad about that surprisingly, I almost destroyed my room because I was that upset. I'm not a violent person, really I'm not, but sometimes...when those you trusted lied to you, it really hurts you know? But moving on, I'm here to update and I'm excited to give my friends, who are like my college sisters, their gifts later on! And don't worry, my frustration won't influence this chapter in a bad way. It's still written out the way I planned to write it out, so bring on the new chapter! Hope everyone enjoys this new chapter, and thank you so much for the support last chapter! I was worried about the action scenes turning out lame, but guess not! Heehee, enjoy! **Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush! I just really, really, really love them! They are like brothers to me, I owe them for saving me from suicide with their kind personalities, sweet songs, funny as heck show and just being overall amazing guys both in the show and real life! I don't own them though, sadly, I just own this story's plot!** Oh, and I listened to James' cover of 'Clarity' by Zedd while writing this chapter, and it worked amazingly! I just pictured James singing this to Kendall, and wow it helped a lot! Thank you James for an amazing cover! Also, italics alone in this chapter are flashbacks/memories; this chapter follows the same scheme as chapter eleven, which had Kendall remembering the good times the couple shared before breaking up! Since everyone seems to be Kames-deprived, here's a whole chapter to them! The action picks up again next chapter, but I thought it would be fair game to just have a angst/fluff chapter up this time around!

* * *

James rose to his feet and stumbled back, shaking and gripping at his head with both hands.

'I-I couldn't do it. I...why couldn't I?' He thought.

He was so confused; what has he been doing this whole time? Everything was just a blur...

All he could really remember, and this just happened too, was holding a knife, a dagger and close to plunging it into Kendall's chest.

Wait, Kendall...?!

The brunette's eyes met those big, wide and relieved-looking green eyes.

Those eyes.

Those beautiful eyes.

Those beautiful eyes that he once loved...no, he still loved them.

He didn't move on, he never got over those eyes.

And that face, everything about it.

_"You know what I love most about you, beloved? More than your beautiful eyes and your pretty smile and your soft hair and your perfect face?"_

_A blush touches that gentle, perfect face but a smile pulls at those petal lips. "W-what, what do you love most about me, Jamie?"_

_James' smirk softened to a smile, wrapping his arms around the shorter boy's waist and pressing a kiss to his forehead._

_"You, just you being you."_

James flinched as he fell to his knees, tears streaming silently down his face.

'T-these memories, where were they when I was becoming a monster?' He thought, whole body violently trembling.

"James?" Kendall called out, forcing his aching body off the desk to walk slowly but confidently towards the other boy. James reacted badly to the dirty blonde's voice; he moaned and he gritted his teeth.

He wasn't trying to fight his feelings, though. He was trying to fight the monster inside him, wanting to kill this boy, this amazing and perfect boy.

'W-why don't I want to kill him?'

_James was hissing in pain as Kendall had to rub disinfectant into a cloth and run it lightly over the cut above the brunette's right hazel-green eye._

_"Damn, that stings." The fifteen year old mumbled, pouting like a child. Kendall, eleven at the time, fought back a smile as he pressed a band-aid over the cut._

_"That's what happens when you get a cut; you need to keep it clean or it can get worse." He said, though a deep frown soon pulled at his lips. James took notice of this immediately and cupped the younger boy's face, ignoring how his heart skipped a beat when their skins brushed._

_"What's wrong, Kenny Rabbit?" Said blonde blushed at the pet-name but sighed, tears in his eyes now._

_"You didn't have to fight those guys for me...now y-you're hurt because of me."_

_Kendall's been getting bullied by some no-brain morons three grades above him. He's tried to keep it a secret from his mom, and especially James who was very protective of him, but there was no way he could get a black-eye to heal faster. Once James saw it, his eyes went pitch black with anger and he sought out the bastards and taught them a lesson. They all tried to gang jump him, five against one wasn't really fair, but James managed to take them down solo, coming out with just a cut above his eye._

_Carlos, Kendall and Logan had been shocked into silence the whole fight; they had no idea just how good at martial arts the tall brunette pretty boy was. Logan was the most surprised, since before the four became friends James, Carlos, and Kendall use to bully him during summer camp and back when he was in third grade._

_James broke the blonde out of his stupor by pressing a kiss to his forehead; another blush, though darker in color this time, took over Kendall's face again._

_"You act as if I regret it; you know I would it do it again for you or for Carlos or for Logan. No one messes with those I love, Kenny. Besides those pricks needed to be taught a lesson, I mean who picks on kids like that?! Your teachers should have looked out for you better, there is no damn excuse for not doing their job!"_

_"You mean teaching?"_

_"Yes that too, but they are suppose to protect you as well. Kenny, it's their responsibility, the school's also, to provide a safe and sound learning environment. They aren't doing their job, which is why if those bastards try something again they're losing more than teeth." Kendall felt his heart leap, tears spilling down his cheeks when James kissed his forehead again and smiled as if what he said was simple._

_"You're one overprotective guy, Jamie."_

_"I know, but that only really comes out with it's about you, Kenny. No one will ever hurt you while I'm around; they will get double black-eyes before they touch one hair on your pretty little head." James kissed Kendall again, this time on the lips to seal the promise._

_The shorter boy trembled under the tender gesture, but smiled when the kiss was broken and hugged James tight around the neck._

_"I love you, James."_

Kendall was now a few feet away from the moaning James, said brunette backed into the wall he crashed into when they broke through the window. "J-James?"

"Kendall?" He asked, removing his hands from his face and looking up; the moon outside made Kendall's dirty blonde hair glow a silvery-white, his eyes glowing a brighter green too.

'S-so beautiful...my beloved? My beloved, Emerald...'

_"Y-you mean, you don't care that...that I'm technically a little kid?" Kendall asked, voice a mixture of surprise and uncertainty._

_James' hazel-green eyes softened as he sighed and pulled the young boy into his lap, stroking his cheek one with one hand while the other played with his dirty blonde hair all in a messy tangle._

_"Beloved, I am aware there is a bit of an age difference between us. I am also aware that because of the age difference we will get nasty looks, people will treat us differently as if we are living tragedy just waiting to happen. But Emerald, age is but a number. I love you for you; I love your smile, your eyes and that cute little laugh you have but I also love you for your sweet and caring personality. I know our relationship will face more problems than others because of this, but I'm willing to stick it until the end. That is, if you want to as well." James said, smiling._

_His voice wasn't demanding, it wasn't pressing or hard. It was light, gentle; he was making it clear that the future of their relationship, be it just close friendship or a growing intimacy, was all up to Kendall._

_He would set the pace, when they would go out, everything._

_And James was willing to wait for him. Kendall felt tears in his eyes and threw himself into the other's arms, claiming his lips in a sweet, passionate kiss. The brunette was taken back by this, evident by the girlish shriek he let out, but soon kissed back, rubbing Kendall's lower back._

_"I want this relationship too, Jamie. A-and I don't care what people say or think of us, I love you and that's all that matters!"_

_"I love you too, beloved."_

"K-Kendall, is that really...really you?" James asked. Kendall smiled, he smiled his beautiful smile.

He didn't answer but merely got on his knees and touched the brunette's face before cupping it between his hands, ignoring the blood in James' hair and pressing their foreheads together.

"I'm right here."

That made James break down completely.

He let out a sob and let the tears run hotter and faster down his cheeks, Kendall's arms soon tight around him as he stroked his hair and wiped those tears away.

"It's okay, James. It's okay, shhh...it's okay, I'm here." The dirty blonde's voice was soft and tender, nothing like the cold venom James expected.

'H-how he is so calm and collected after everything I've done?'

"B-beloved, why do you not hate me?" Kendall pulled to look at James as if he was insane.

"W-what are you talking about, James?! Why would I hate you?!" The dirty blonde asked, sounding offended as if James had just badly insulted him.

James reached out with a shaky hand to touch Kendall's face, Kendall moving one of his hands to lace their fingers together. "I-I've killed so many people, innocent people; you know the truth now, right? You know what I've done, and I-I...tried to kill you! I-I tried to hurt the love of my-" Kendall cut James' rant off with a kiss. It wasn't pressed or desperate; it was sweet and loving, and Kendall made sure to keep their lips connected until he felt the brunette go slack under him.

James' eyes were wide, not in surprise though.

'A-another memory...'

_"I-I can't believe it! My mom knows Griffin is a fucking prick but insists on marrying him! Can't she see that she can't replace Dad?! HE'S MY DAD FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" James sobbed into his bed, door locked as he forced out all his hurt, frustration and confusion into his pillows and sheets._

_He couldn't believe his mom! She was marrying Griffin after only TWO weeks of dating! What the hell was she thinking?! Sure, his dad Michael cheated on her and was planning on marrying his new girlfriend, a women fifteen years younger than Brooke, but he was planning to wait a year or two before getting into something so serious._

_But not his mom; Brooke wanted to get back at her ex-husband so badly that she was willing to jump into another marriage. Without really talking to her son about it._

_Yeah, good idea...not._

_"I HATE MY LIFE! NOW I'M REALLY ALONE IN THIS FUCKING DAMN HOUSE!" James cried, rolling onto his side and clutching a pillow to his chest._

_He heard someone picking the lock of his bedroom door and coming inside; he turned with a venomous glare only to see Kendall standing there, a look in his eyes._

_It was a look that said, 'Don't try to push me away, just shut up and let me be here'._

_James sighed and wiped at his tears, patting his bed. Kendall walked over and sat down, James soon losing it again._

_Kendall just wrapped his arms around the sobbing brunette and held him close, stroking his hair and saying over and over, "It's okay, James. It's okay, shhh...it's okay, I'm here and I promise I'll take care of you. It's okay, it's okay..."_

James broke the kiss with a gasp, hazel-green eyes wide and wet. "Y-you forgive me, beloved?"

Kendall smiled that smile of his again and nodded, arms still securely around the taller boy. "We all do things we regret, Jamie. I can see that you never wanted this, that Griffin forced you to do so many terrible things but that's just it: he forced you, you didn't do on purpose. You did it to k-keep your mom save, u-us being over...it's really my fault. I was being selfish; I didn't understand, nor tried to, that so much was at stake. James, being protective of others, it's who you are. I shouldn't have done that to you when you were already so confused and hurt. I'm sorry, James.

James wanted to say something, but Kendall gently shushed him. "Listen to me, please. None of this mercenary business is your fault. Griffin took advantage of you, and Lucy and Jett. You guys are merely victims, nothing more. Your mom was in danger, James, I would have done the same thing. You maybe overconfident, cocky, self-absorbed but you're also loving and caring and protective. Griffin knew how to exploit that, and the only sick criminal here is him. I still love you, James. I'm still very much in love you, and...deep down I knew you wouldn't have killed me.

James' eyes asked him how he knew that, when the brunette himself had no idea if he would have went through with it or not in the end. Kendall leaned forward until their foreheads were pressed together again, watery eyes locked with James'.

"I knew deep down you wouldn't have killed me because you're not a murderer, James. You're not a murderer, you're James: My Jamie, my knight in shining armor if I want to go cheesy with this." James let out a light chuckle, though his face went serious again in seconds.

"There is another reason why I wouldn't have killed you, even if...even if I had no idea at the moment if I would have go through with it or not."

"And what's that, sweetie?" James smiled. This smile was his, not that cruel smile Kendall saw when he was fighting Jett.

'I-it's him, my Jamie.'

"Because if I had killed you, I would have killed myself too to be with you. Without you, I-I can't live. You're the one in this world I would die without, Kenny Rabbit." James whispered, pulling off one his gloves. Kendall gasped as a shine of silver met his eyes.

"Y-your ring!"

"Even when we were apart, beloved...I-I never took it off. It was the only way for me to feel that, that you were still with me somehow. Though I can see now it didn't work as well as I had hoped, I still went crazy." Kendall kissed the ring and held James' hand to his chest, James smiling at hearing that soothing, beautiful heart beating; how he missed it...

"Well, i-if you will have me again, then we can both wear our rings." Kendall whispered, the brunette looking shocked.

"Y-you mean, you still want to marry me?"

Kendall nodded, smiling through his tears.

"I-I love you, James." James' face broke out in a large smile, a smile so bright that it glowed in the dark. He crushed Kendall tight to his chest, burying his face into his dirty blond hair; Kendall chuckled at the other's reaction but hugged him back just as tightly, burying his face into James' neck.

"I love you too, beloved!"

'And now, it is time for Griffin to pay me back; pay me back for everything he's done.' James asked with a mental sadistic smirk.

It's time to settle the score, and now with his sanity back Griffin better hope James doesn't tear him up too badly.


	17. Chapter 17

Hey! I'm back and happy! I gave my friends their gifts last night and they loved them! And I loved the gifts they got me, too! A bobble-head of Deadpool, my favorite mercenary ever (he kind of inspired this story, thanks Wade!) and Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 3D -shirt! So yeah, my favorite mercenary in figurine form and a new Zelda shirt, yay! But anyway, onward to this next chapter! I can't say much since it would give it away, but it's both a good and bad chapter. Thank you everyone for reviewing and supporting this story! It's close to the end now, hope you all will stick around for that! Oh and Kames all the way and Shani, thank you for asking if I was okay; I'm doing better now so no worries, but still thank you! Thank you everyone, hope you enjoy this chapter! Well, can try since I had mixed feelings for this one! **Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush! I am the proud owner of posters of them and of a new Deadpool figurine and Zelda t-shirt, but nothing else! I only own the plot of this story! Again, enjoy!**

* * *

"At least one of you knows how to do the job, and do it right!" Griffin barked with a smirk, clapping his hands in sick applause.

Jett, holding up a trembling Dak (he went through with Kendall's plan after all), Lucy and Camille were stock-stiff with wide, shocked eyes.

Did...did James really kill Kendall?

'James, y-you couldn't have...right?' Jett thought, hoping and praying his best friend/brother did not do the unforgivable.

The group's answer didn't take too much time to show up.

James soon climbed up onto the roof from the side of the building, mask on with...the still body of Kendall Knight over one shoulder. He let out a sniff as he slowly lowered the shorter boy down to the ground, masked eye narrowed; Kendall wasn't moving, and blood had heavily soaked into his clothes.

His chest was still, and skin pale and cold.

'J-Jay, no...' Camille thought, unable to stop the gasp from leaving her lips.

Griffin chuckled and approached James, putting a hand to his left shoulder. "You did good, boy. It looks like you can useful to me still, after all." He turned from the silent brunette to the other mercenaries, smirking as he began walking over to them with clenched fists; his teeth were gritted under his lips.

"As for you three and the Devon brat, I-"

"You'll do nothing!" Griffin barely had time to turn around when James' foot met his lower stomach.

The older man choked on air while James began to lash out in a fury of attacks; he pulled out his twin handguns from their holsters and reloaded them, nailing Griffin in both heels. He then dropped his guns to the floor and threw out a punch to his jaw and another to his stomach again.

Griffin was sent flying, landing hard on his back and coughing up blood as James loomed over him.

"W-what the hell are you doing?! Y-you insolent little bastard!" James scoffed at the insult, pulling off his mask; everyone could see his eyes weren't pitch black and cold, but boiling and their natural, hazel-green.

'H-his eyes!' Lucy thought, feeling a smile pulling at her lips; Jett, Camille and Dak felt the same, the same sweeping sensation that James...could be back to his old self again.

"B-but you killed him, you killed Knight!"

"I don't think so, Griffin." Said man's eyes went dinner-plate wide as Kendall's bright green eyes flew open and he slowly sat up, smirking a smirk identical to James'.

"I-impossible."

"Not really; my fiancee is quite the actor, he's way better than me when dealing with stress situations like this. All of this brilliance was his idea. You didn't really think I'd kill the love of my life now, did you?" James mocked, pulling out his shotgun.

Griffin looked terrified now, like a child; he curled up against the door that led down from the roof but couldn't reach it. James had nailed him in each heel, he wouldn't be able to stand up long from the pain.

"Now Griffin, it is time for you to pay us back. It is time to see if you like having your own creations turned against you. Lucy, Camille, Jett!" The three went to James' side and saluted him as if in the Army, Kendall taking care of Dak.

"Yes sir?" Jett said, his mask off and he grinning like mad.

James cleared his throat, though his smirk was still in place. "I say, we should teach little Griffin here a lesson, what do you guys think?"

"Oh, that idea sounds wonderful!" Lucy exclaimed sadistically, mask also off.

"Yes, it does. One catch though: we don't kill him, we're not murderers. The only sick monster here is him, so beat him up but too much. Deal?" Lucy looked slightly saddened at this but Camille playfully punched her and took off her own mask, smiling deviously.

"Deal sir, we won't kill him...but that doesn't stop us from beating the crap out of him, right?"

"Oh no, it does not! Have fun! Wait, sweetie? Dak, be a dear and cover my beloved's eyes for me? I do not wish for him to see this, it will be...too brutal."

"Oh come on!" Kendall protested but Dak smiled and covered his eyes all the same, James turning back to the terrified Griffin.

"Okay, on my mark: one...two...GO!"

"Y-you can't do this to m-me! I-I-I'm your father!"

"Oh really? Well then, enjoy the party...father."

**_-Page Break-_**

It wasn't long before Griffin was a bloody, beaten tangle of limbs on the floor. Let's just say, Jett and Camille and Lucy didn't really hold back.

"Nice work, team." James said, a proud smile with his hands at his hips.

Griffin looked positively dreadful: one of his eyes was so swollen he couldn't open it, and most of his teeth were missing. He had blood trickling down his nose and the corner of his mouth; thick, heavy blood stains were everywhere on his suit, holes in the heels of his shoes from where James shot at him twice. He was twisted like a pretzel, with several bruised ribs, a broken nose and hip, and sprained ankle.

But like James ordered them to, Lucy and Camille and Jett left him alive; his chest rose and fell with faint breaths.

"Tell me again why we couldn't kill him?" Lucy asked again, her arms wrapped around Camille's waist; Camille rolled her eyes at her girlfriend's question, leaning into her though with a smile as James began to answer.

Jett went back to Dak, leaving James to cup Kendall's face gently between his hands. Said dirty blonde opened his eyes and smiled, looking deep into James' own hazel-green ones. "Because Lu, we're not murderers. We may...have done things we will regret for the rest of our lives, and we have killed before but not willingly. If we kill Griffin willingly, then we truly become murderers; we'd be no better than him, do you understand?"

"No, but you're the leader." Everyone laughed at this, Jett moving his gaze to James.

"So, it's...finally over."

"Yes, it is. It is finally over."

"I-I'm glad to have you back, Jamie." Kendall whispered, tears in his eyes now; James smiled softly and kissed him gently, holding him tight when they broke apart.

"Me too, beloved. Me too..."

**_-Page Break-_**

Everyone soon began to head for the door to leave the roof, after making sure Griffin was knocked out cold; they would call the police to explain everything and have him arrested, but first Lucy, James and Jett wanted to get their loved ones off the scene.

'T-this isn't over!'

"YOU'LL PAY!" Everyone gasped and turned to see...Griffin standing! He was standing, and holding a gun of his own, one he must have hid on his person.

"What the hell, doesn't this prick give up?!" Lucy said though her voice was high-pitched. Her suit, and James' and Jett's, were mostly torn so they were open for attack. So was Camille and Dak and Kendall didn't have anything on to withstand bullet shock.

"You'll pay, you bastard!" And he shot, the gun aimed at Kendall.

"NO!"

_BANG!_

"JAMES!"

Said brunette coughed up blood as...the bullet pierced his stomach, he cupping the area where blood was pouring out of him like a river with both hands as he collapsed to his knees.

"NO!" Kendall screamed, running over to him while Camille lost her temper and screamed, sprinting towards Griffin with James' twin handguns in her hands, eyes flashing as bullets flew.

Griffin fell to the floor, now dead while Camille fought back tears, dropping the guns.

"CAMILLE!"

"NO GO TO JAMES, HE NEEDS HELP!"

"J-James, hold on! You're going to be okay, j-just hold on!" Kendall choked out, tear tracks on his face as he ripped off a piece of his shirt; he pressed it to the brunette's stomach, trying to stop the flow of blood while James looked up at him with glossy hazel-green eyes.

"B-beloved...Kendall."

"You're going to be okay, J-Jett's getting help! Just hold on, J-James!" The dirty blonde repeated over and over, whole body shaking violently.

No, this can't be happening! They were back together, their relationship couldn't end like this! After fighting for so long, after everything this can't be the end!

'N-no, Jamie can't die! Please God, don't take him away from me!'

"K-Kendall." James placed his hands over Kendall's, trying to breathe through all the pain; the younger boy met his eyes, his heart breaking at seeing how dull James' eyes were becoming so quickly.

He was...dying.

"Kendall, m-my Emerald...I...I am sorry." Then James went limp, breathing slowing down.

"NO JAMES, NO! JETT, HURRY UP! HURRY UP, DAMN IT, JAMES IS DYING!"


	18. Chapter 18

Yolo! My people, guess what?! I finished ALL of my exams! Yay, I'm free and survived my first semester of college! Oh yeah, I'm a superstar! Ha, BTR song moment there sorry! But that means that all day tomorrow I'm free! Meaning I can update both this story and 'Love the Way You Lie' tomorrow! Yay, I'm free and ready to go home until January 12th! But anyway enough of my banter, time for the new chapter! I was literally scared when I saw the reviews for the last chapter, I had no idea everyone would be so mad! B-but I promise this chapter will make it all better! At least I hope...! Okay onward! Thank you to everyone for reviewing and supporting this story! Spread the word about it, it would be great to see what others think too! Remember, a review isn't just your opinion; it is also a way for this writer here to get better and better what she loves to do! Okay, enjoy and please don't be made anymore, everyone! Oh, the song 'Far Away' by Nickelback inspired this chapter a LOT, so props to the band! **Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush, sadly! :( I am just the proud owner of some BTR merchandise but that's about it! I only own the plot of this story! Again, enjoy! Also, there are flashbacks (in italics) in this one, but they are repeated flashbacks from previous chapters! The only NEW flashback is towards the end!**

* * *

A whole year has passed.

Time sure did fly by.

Especially when you've been waiting for a miracle all this time.

For a miracle to happen, to make everything right again...

**_-Page Break-_**

Kendall fished out the dead flowers, a mix of poppies and roses, from the vase and replaced them with new ones, making sure the water was still good. He adjusted the pillows under James' head, careful not to shift him too much, and drew back the curtains of the brunette's hospital room; a dark navy sky greeted him from outside, with a full moon among fluffy white-gray clouds and fresh falling snow.

It was December again, only a year later. Kendall was sixteen years old now.

After that night a year ago, James fell into a coma. He had suffered immense blood loss from the bullet wound to his stomach and even with being rushed to the hospital by his friends and fiancee in less than ten minutes afterwards, the doctor in charge of him confirmed he was in a deep comatose state. His body had shut down in order to recover from the shock and damage done, and from that resulted in a still breathing but dead-like James.

When Kendall heard the word 'comatose' leave the doctor's lips, his heart froze over.

From there, a whole year passed. In that whole year, so many things took place: Jett, Lucy, Camille and James were able avoid going to a maximum security prison away from Sherwood for the numerous murder charges they were facing by the police after they were able to prove their innocence. Thanks to the hidden cameras around Griffin's building that proved their plea of self-defense (since after shooting James, Griffin tried to kill Jett and Lucy before Camille took him down) and Kelly(who was cleared of any charges she might have had to face due to her connection with Griffin) who had collected a lot of evidence over the years against her ex-boss, the four were ruled out as mere victims of this whole conspiracy and free to go. They even free of murder charges out of the Sherwood police jurisdiction; the gang had worked long and hard for this battle, faced trial even, but in the end proved they had been tools to a sick man's plans.

Of course, of all of this went on with James in the hospital...

Once they were free to go, Lucy and Camille, along with Jett and Dak, decided to move to Sherwood to stay close to Kendall and James. They couldn't bear the thought of leaving the poor blonde to deal with this alone. They provided support by explaining everything to Kendall's mom and sister, James' mom and their friends Carlos and Logan. It took a while, considering they had to repeat the story over and over, but since it was to help the dirty blonde they didn't mind in the slightest.

Jett was the one who told Brooke. He told her about how Griffin forced him to kill her first ex-husband Michael, so in case James confessed to her his step-dad's dirty little secret they would have no one to count on. He told her about how when the four (James, him, Lucy and Camille) were only thirteen, Griffin began experimenting on them with his little drug. He told her how Griffin threatened Dak's life to keep the brown-eyed blonde in line, and how he kidnapped Camille and kept her under confinement for almost three years so Lucy wouldn't try anything to leave the mercenary gig. He told her about how her now second ex-husband used her to keep James from running away, how he used her as a leash to keep his step-son in this sick game. He told her about all the people the four have been forced to kill, like Mercedes and Gustavo. And finally, he told her about how Griffin used Kendall to completely destroy James, yet how the brunette thanks to Kendall was able to regain his sanity in the end. Jett didn't leave out any details, though his heart ached when seeing the horrified, teary-eyed expression that overcame Brooke's face at hearing the horror her one and only son has been put through for so long.

It was the same face Jen, Katie, Carlos and Logan had when his teammates told them the story too.

After hearing that nightmare, Brooke rarely left her son's side. She constantly apologized to everyone, even Kendall who didn't blame her for isolating her son after their break-up; it was a mother's instinct to protect her children, he was sure his mom would have down the same if the roles were reversed. Speaking of his mother, she was still a little rattled for all the hell Kendall went through that night, but was immensely thankful to the group for saving her son, especially James. Even though the brunette has proved countless times how much he loved the younger boy, taking the bullet meant for him...Jen wouldn't be able to the strong enough words to thank him for what he did.

That is, when and if James woke up...

Katie was also thankful her brother was safe and sound, albeit the few scratches and cut he got in his side, which were stitched up the night James was brought to the hospital. What she did to support her brother was to bring in one of the cots they had in the attic (after giving it a good clean, of course) to the hospital, stand in for Kendall at the hospital when he, Carlos and Logan were at hockey practice, and texted them of any updates. She wanted Kendall to know she had his back, which he already knew since they were closer than other siblings, but he was still grateful for her help.

As for Carlos and Logan, they were still the best friends that James and Kendall loved. They stood by the blonde, defended him when some kids wouldn't mind their own damn business at school, and rarely left him alone. They got along well with Jett, Dak, Lucy and Camille, so the group of four grew to one of eight tightly-knitted, best friends.

'No, not best friends; we're a family now.' Kendall thought with a light smile, sighing as he took his seat back at James' side.

As for Kendall, a lot has happened to him too: he was sixteen years old, a senior in high school. He's been promoted to captain of the school's hockey team (though he only accepted to take the post while his fiancee was in the hospital) and his grades were great. He's always been offered several scholarships to well-known universities, both in Sherwood and out of state. He was now president of the art and guitar clubs. He had a steady job at the grocery store not far from his house, to help pay the bills and have some extra cash on him, plus he now had his license.

He's grown and matured a lot in the past year: he was a little taller, with a built less lanky and more of a runner's. His eyebrows were still thick and bushy, but his hair was shorter and spikier, still a dirty blonde color. He's filled out more around his face, his eyes were now a brighter green, and he had started growing facial hair (though he shaved every two weeks or so) He was still cute, but looked more like a young man than a boy now.

He's changed so much, sometimes he couldn't recognize himself in the mirror.

'And still, I have a hard time smile and really meaning it even now.' He thought a bit sadly, reaching out to stroke James' perfect face.

The brunette has changed a little too while in his comatose state: his usual cinnamon scent was gone, thanks to the sterile environment of the hospital. His hair had grown out a little and he had some stubble on his chin, yet he was beautiful all the same. He was nineteen now; everyone tried their best to make his birthday special, even in the present situation. His clothes nowadays were white paper gowns, IV in one arm while a breathing/feeding tube was between his thin, pale lips. He couldn't breath on his own too well, and his hands had grown cold.

But he wasn't dead, he wasn't dead. Kendall could see his chest faintly rising and falling, and the monitor beeped in tune of his slow, yet steady heartbeats.

"Wow, a whole year has gone by and it's December again; it's December, Jamie, it's the 24th. Christmas is in...an hour." Kendall said, checking his wristwatch.

Even though the doctor said there were low chances of James being able to hear or feel anything, Kendall still talked to him, still took his hand. It was a way of comfort to the blonde, and he couldn't shake the sensation that James was still holding on because of his voice, because of his touches.

'I just...just think you can hear me, and remember me...' Kendall thought, pressing a kiss to James' cool knuckles.

_"Kendall, you're the one person in the world that keeps me on the edge, sane. I'd lose my mind without you!"_

___"You're not just beautiful, Emerald! You're sweet, loving, kind, smart, talented, may I go on? I wish I could find the right word to describe just how perfect you really are, because I can't believe you can't see it for yourself!"_

_____"Yes, and it is true you know: I will love you, I will always love you; I will love you forever, Kendall."_

_______"I-I love you, James."_

_"I love you too, Kendall."_

"I love you, James. And all I want...is for you to come back to me." Kendall whispered, tears shining in his eyes. This year has made him stronger, way stronger; when it came to the brunette, however, his heart was easily touched.

Touched, and broken.

Kendall jumped when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, he reaching into his jacket and undoing the lock pattern to check who texted him.

**We just wanted to tell you that we're all wishing for James to come home soon. It's been tough, especially on you, but hold on buddy. Miracles take their time, but they do happen.**

The text came from Logan's phone, but was signed by him, Carlos, Camille, Lucy, Dak, and Jett.

'I know guys, but just how long to I have to wait until that miracle comes along?' Kendall thought, sighing and ignoring the other texts he got from his mom and sister, and Brooke; all said the same anyway, and for him to take care of himself that night while in the hospital.

Kendall insisted on spending Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day, with James and no one tried to argue. They knew it was pointless, plus they were all praying for the same thing: for James to wake up.

"Only ten minutes left until Christmas!" Kendall heard a nurse say outside in the hall; ten minutes, wow those memories must have taken over him longer than he thought.

"Only ten minutes, huh? Is it too late to make a wish?" He sighed and took both of James' hands in his, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead to his fiancee's gently.

"Listen, Big Guy up in the Sky. I know I don't talk to You much and sometimes I forget You're even there, but...but I'm here to ask You to make my wish come true. I don't want gifts, I don't want a tree or anything else of the sort...what I do want is that, is that James wakes up. People say You don't love gay people or bi and such, but I don't think that. You love everyone, that's how my mom raised me, and I only have one thing to ask You: p-please bring James back to me. Please, bring him back to his mom, his friends, to me. Bring him back to everyone who loves him, and I promise to never ask for anything else ever again; I promise to never ask anything of You again, just please...please bring back my Jamie. Please bring back my fiancee, my best friend..." Kendall prayed, ending the prayer with an 'Amen' under his breath and a kiss to James' forehead.

'Please, bring him back to me.'

_"We'll always be together, right?" Kendall asked, eleven years old._

_James smiled and laced their fingers together, pressing a kiss to the younger boy's cheek._

_"Together forever and forever, no matter what."_

"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" Kendall heard cheers throughout the whole hospital, he sighing.

"I should call everyone and wish them a 'Merry Christmas'..." He said, about to head out into the hallway to first call his mom and sister, then his friends.

But something wouldn't let him go. Or better to say, someone.

A gasp left him, he turning around to see one of James' hands tight around one of his, and getting a firmer grip by the second.

At first Kendall was going to brush it off as a reflex from deep within James' subconsciousness, when his eyes caught something that made the held back tears spill down his cheeks.

James' eyes. They were open. They were open; they were looking around the room, obviously confused, but when his gentle hazel-green eyes met Kendall's, they grew wide in recognition.

Kendall felt his heart jump and stop in his chest.

"J-James...?" Said brunette blinked in response, tightening his hold on the blonde's hand.

'O-o my God...!'

"James!" Kendall said in happy whisper, stumbling back into his chair and stroking James' hair.

James responded by tightening his hold on Kendall again, eyes...wet as well.

He was crying.

His eyes were practically screaming Kendall's name.

"James!" Kendall laughed and buried his face into James' lap, crying but never letting go of James. The brunette stiffly raised his other hand and tangled it in Kendall's wild, soft locks, massaging his scalp.

"James..."

"K-Ken-dall..." James managed around the tube in his mouth.

'Oh God, thank you!'

_"We'll always be together, right?"_

___"Together forever and forever, no matter what."_

___"Just never let me, Kenny Rabbit. Never let me go, and I'll always be with you..."_

'Always..'


End file.
